of warm hugs and wise words

"i keep myself busy thinking too much that i forget i've got a real life to catch up.

true story."


really, really need your duas. untuk jadi kuat, memang tak ah. forevercengeng, dah cane?

tapi untuk menjadi lebih normal, to accept the things the way they should be, mungkin boleh diusahakan.

kerana kita ingat orang akan faham situasi kita bila dia kata, "i feel you," when the real fact, yes, diorang mungkin pernah rasa benda yang sama cuma dalam situasi MEREKA.

sekolah, contoh paling simpel. harini. ada dua kelas darjah tiga. i planned this activity yang memerlukan active participation, bising yang belajar. interview untuk dapat maklumat, that kind of activity. ended up? almost cried, almost. sebab i've lost most of my energy bila menjerit suruh duduk tempat masing masing, dengar arahan cikgu, jangan baling pemadam kat muka kawan, dah siap simpan buku jangan mai tunjuk kat teacher lagi, all sorts of voice message sampaikan suara terketar ketar, tahan marah. i'm not that kind of person yang cepat marah, tambah lagi to those young kids, yang dah macam adik adik sendiri. but i just couldn't get them in control, sampaikan at one point, i was screaming out loud, "PI DOK TEMPAT MASING MASING! HANGPA TAK PAHAM BAHASA KA? NAK CIKGU CAKAP BAHASA APA LAGI??"

dah rasa macam useless sangat. is this really you, qistina?

:'(

tak masuk hal kat rumah lagi.

to be honest, i think i've lost my own self along the way. i just can't think straight at the moment, please please please, keep me in your duas, always. kerana at this stage, i really miss those warm hugs and wise words from you, you-know-who-you-are.