She's gonna wait..

Sunday, September 18, 2016

school holidays

it's 11 p.m., tomorrow is the first day school reopens after the school holidays and here, a teacher is updating her blog. please, she needs a life too. pft

school holidays could actually brings in so many emotions - well, it could be positive or negative.

let's just be honest about this.

cuti sekolah can actually be so exciting yet so, frustrating.

exciting in a way i enjoy my free time doing things i love - sleeping, watching movie, hanging out with favourite persons, etc. (mostly things i don't do during school days) i can go to bed as early as 9 p.m. without having any regrets the next morning sebab tak siapkan lesson plan, tak prepare worksheet, dan sebagainya. plus, i don't have to think about the workload - ini cigu memang tara kisah ini worang, waktu cuti dia memang cuti betui.

the dark side of it?

not really that 'dark' but trust me... you won't understand until you're in my shoes.

it's the fifth musim after all the seasons we have in Malaysia. musim kemarau, musim tengkujuh, musim buah, musim jerebu and..... *drum rolls*

musim kenduri!

waktu usia di awal 20-an, tengah famous orang kahwin muda, i was in that bandwagon too. rasa macam, "oh sweetnye! boleh study sesame, boleh grad sesame," until i realize... no, this might be okay to some but not for me. i have dreams to fulfill, i still have to achieve something in my life then only i can think of this. since then, i tried to keep this low.

now that i've already secured myself a job, i began to wonder.. what's next?

and this is the time where i feel i am all alone.

most friends of my age are now getting married (or at least getting engaged), some even have 2 babies already and what are you doing, Qistina? still babysit the school kids yang balik lambat asking "Kenapa balik lambat? Nak teacher hantar ke?"

you would probably say i'm selfish. no, i see myself as a normal human being. blame the hormones and the trend, i know i shouldn't question what Allah has planned for me. tak, i'm not questioning anything. i just wanted to feel i'm doing good, i'm doing just fine by being single. i need to know that it's okay not to be in a relationship, just yet. everyone around me (mostly) are holding their babies and i'm still wondering, "baby tidur berapa jam dalam sehari?" I need to feel that it is absolutely fine, and that's it.

kalau dulu i would feel offended when people ask, "Bila lagi nak kahwin ni?", now i can just smile and "doa-doakanlah, inshaAllah"

cuma bila sampai satu masa yang mana akan ada perasaan tak enak. seperti tak normal bila berada dalam kalangan rakan sebaya yang dah berumah tangga dan you're all alone by yourself, just thinking "is it okay for me not to have what they have?" that thought really kills me, inside.

i believe only girls would feel this way and for that, let's just blame the hormones. waktu type ni pun boleh sebak, memang hati tisu ini worang huhu