She's gonna wait..

Sunday, September 29, 2013

lost focus.

They say time heals.

Naaah, I just want to get these things over. 2 minggu, 10 hari pegi sekolah, 7 lesson plans, 2 bulan kat sarawak, I just want to go back home as soon as possible. It's not because I don't like it here or what, cuma.. I don't know. It feels so wrong kadang kadang, perasaan yang.. I just want to end this, that's it.

An interesting conversation with a friend of mine,

"Aku tengah cuba nak faham hang. Waktu hang nangis, waktu hang sedih. Tapi tak dapat jugak nak faham, tak nampak reasons kenapa nak kena sedih."

"Don't try then, because it's just the feeling that I cannot describe. Just, don't."

At times like that, the best thing to offer; a sincere hug with no words, that is all.

"Allah desires that He should make light your burden, and man is created weak." (4:28)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

all good

everything looks so confusing.

who cares, anyway. not their problem.

we have something that we always take for granted. and this time..

i just don't get it.


i just want to be home, peluk ibu kuat kuat, and burst into tears. now.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

How the teacher really feels.

3 weeks to go for prac, and i don't really know what and how to feel at the moment.

dulu time memula prac bukan main lagi countdown hari nak habis. biasa la, manusia mana reti bersyukur. ekhem

Yesterday was the longest day i've ever had at school. Kelas mula 0830, observation dari mentor sejam, pastu sit-in (cikgu ganti untuk kelas takde cikgu) another half an hour. then, Sejam lagi, untuk cover cikgu tak dapat masuk kelas sebab nak buat coursework. So ended up, dua jam setengah non-stop in that class, sampai cikgu ni pun mati kutu nak buat hapetahhh lelama ceni haaa

Dari the real lesson belajar pasal numbers, games pasal numbers, games keluaq topik dari numbers, origami, you name it. Cikgu siap mintak kebenaran makan dalam kelas lagi huahuahua. Punya cikgu jenuh pikiaq apa laaa nak buat dengan bebudak ni.

At one point, cikgu pun decide, "Okay, it's time to break the news!"

Cikgu : Okay semua. Cikgu akan pindah sekolah lagi 3 minggu. *muka excited habis*
Murid A : Alaaa cikgu, cikgu janganlah pindah. Jangan pindah eh cikgu, jangan eh?
Cikgu : Eh, mana boleh, cikgu kena balik sekolah cikgu. Cikgu dekat sini sekejap je. Mana boleh lama lama kat sini.
Murid B : Tapi cikgu baik, kami nak cikgu ajar kami.. Sampai habis.
Cikgu : *mata berkaca kaca tapi masih cover line* Mana bolehhh, cikgu kan selalu marah marah kamu. Kamu suka ke, cikgu yang suka marah marah kamu?
Murid A : Kalau cikgu yang marah, kami sukaaaa!
Cikgu : !#$^!#^*&#!^!%#^%!*&

"Nanti kami nangis cikgu." Takpe, kita nangis sesame eh? Cikgu sayang kamu jugak, cikgu nak kamu jadi orang. Bukan beruang, bukan haiwan, bukan. Jadi orang yang berguna ye sayang cikgu.

Cikgu akan rindu kamu. :(

Monday, September 16, 2013

gettin' real.

Last night was the hardest. But never mind..

You're doing good, just good. :)

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Funny moments with ze kidzzz

I didn't know that teaching these kids is really, really fun and intewesting, seriously. (I mean it!)

We were once kid, tapi these kids... are really getting on my nerves! Haha

Tak boleh nak expect apa yang diorang fikir, apa yang diorang nak tanya, apa respons diorang when we ask questions, and stuffs like that.

Just wanna share few situations when dealing with thoseee monk-kids, EKHEM haha

Situasi pertama :

Cikgu tengah berleter depan kelas sebab kelas sangat bising (classroom management cikgu memang dah kelaut and this was the last resort haha), well trying to psycho these kids dengan luahan hati seorang cikgu.

Cikgu : Kamu nak belajar ke tak ni? Kenapa kamu buat cikgu macam ni? Cikgu dah la tak sihat, sakit tekak lagi. *open her drinking bottle and drink* (Sambung berleterrrrzzzz, bla bla and more blas)

Kid A : Cikgu! *angkat tangan*

Cikgu : Haaa, dah kenapa angkat tangan? Cikgu tengah marah ni, nak tanya apa lagi? (with serious look)

Kid A : Oh tak, cikgu lupa tutup botol air, nanti lalat masuk.

Cikgu : *garu kepala* (taktau patut gelak guling guling atau sambung ceramah psiko, sebab rasa macam cikgu yang ter-psiko zzz)

Situasi kedua :

Cikgu tengah marah lagi kat depan, this time sebab Kid B misbehave dalam kelas. He was doing something else, sepatutnya dia pay attention and do MY work.

Cikgu : Kamu tak sayang cikgu keee? Kenapa kamu taknak buat keja cikgu? Kalau kamu sayang cikgu, kamu tak buat ceni. Kamu nak cikgu pindah ke? Boleh, cikgu pindah esok kalau kamu nak. Kamu nak cikgu pindah? (psycho je ni, praktikum cuma akan habis dua bulan lagi)

Other kids : NAK!

Cikgu : KAMU NAK CIKGU PINDAH??!? (Seriously budak budak ni...?? Memang jujur sangat dah ni tsk tsk)

Other kids : EH takkk cikgu. Takkkkk HEHEHE

Cikgu : !@#$%@^%!#%^!

Situasi 3

Cikgu tengah marah sebab dah frustrated habis dah dengan kelas bising, suara cikgu tenggelam terus. So, cikgu try untuk chill dan biar diorang sengap dulu.

Cikgu : Dah? Semua dah behave dah? Jadi good boy dengan good girl?

Kids : Dah miss.

Cikgu : Cikgu taknak la marah kamu, sebab bila cikgu marah, macam singa. Kamu tahu singa marah macamana..?


Cena la cikgu tak sayang kat hangpaaaa oiii, time cikgu takdak mood, hangpa bagi cikgu senyum. Time cikgu down sorang sorang, hangpa bagi cikgu gelak kukekuke. Hmphhh, 4 weeks to go, cikgu shall embrace every moments with you!

p/s : Well, that's just a few bits of it. Will share more next time, stay tuned :p

Friday, September 13, 2013

Can't wait.

Hard to believe i'm saying this, but.. yeah. I can't wait to reach the finishing line.

I don't want to say much about my life at the moment, well you can't really feel the exact thing I've gone through all this while.

Everything is so complicated that I myself don't really know what to think anymore, but to leave it to Allah.

Sometimes, rasa nak give up trying is just there.

But to think it in a way that yes, I can't really change the situations, the conditions or whatever problems I have, I realize that "Hey, the way you see it, that matters, you know."

Too much to complain, but have you ever thought about being thankful for all the things you have taken for granted? At least, you've got something to be thankful for.

Count your blessings, qistina, not your problems.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

not in her best shape

these few days were really not my days.

it is quite frustrating to see how i'm trying hard to fit in, and things just don't go the way it should be.

expectations really kill, yes?

home could be the best place for me now. 5 minggu lagi, teacher. semangat sikit, please.