super ring!

"It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me."

You think I'm gonna give up that easily? Spell this: N-O. W-A-Y.

untuk kesekian kalinya, i'm all confused.

cuba untuk make sense of everything that happened, kept saying.. "Everything happened for reasons."


but there are things i just can't believe with my own eyes and ears.

after all this while? after all the things you've been through? and... that's it?

come on, that's not the end of it. you've gotta try harder, pray harder, even give the best-est of you to the things you value that much.

think. just, think. for once, put some efforts to it. don't just go and say, "I'm giving up."

even binatang pun tahu, rezeki tak datang bergolek. burung di pagi-pagi buta kena keluar cari cacing, cacing tak jatuh dari langit beb. cacing tu kena dicari.

perancangan Allah itu memang paling terbaik, tapi takkan nak duduk senyap senyap takde usaha langsung? apa guna nya Allah jadikan manusia itu ada kudrat, ada tenaga kalau bukan untuk berusaha?

tak faham la, kenapa nak kena give up that easily. "Cakap percaya dengan janji Allah, sebab percayalah aku serahkan hal ni bulat bulat kepadaNya."

"Habis tu, tak payah study la final exam. Bior je, fail kena repeat pun perancangan Allah jugak. Simple."

Come on la. Efforts mana, efforts? Not the best person to comment on this, but seriously... these people are making me sick. Tak usaha, pastu nak letak pertanggungjawaban takdir semata mata?

2 kali 5 dengan manusia yang tanam padi, dok harap ayaq hujan turun bagi subuq padi. musim kemarau apecer der? takkan nak tongkat dagu tunggu hujan turun kottt?

sama se-spesies orang yang nak kawen, tapi malas nak fikir sebab "nanti, adelah jodoh tu datang". humph.

bukannya mempersoalkan kebergantungan kita kepada Allah, sama sekali bukan.

the point is, memang azalinya Allah yang beri segalanya, that's the truest truth. tapi, macamana Allah nak bagi, kalau diri itu tak pernah berusaha meminta? (that's the least you can do!) doa. doa, semoga apa yang dihajati itu, bawa kebaikan. doa, semoga apa yang dihindari, menjauhkan diri dari keburukan.

come on people, put some effort in everything we do. Allah pandang usaha, hasilnya tu memang dah ditentukan pun.

rasa macam post ini ditujukan khas untuk diri sendiri. sebab usaha entah ke mana, hasilnya tu yang sentiasa bermain di minda. :(

True story.

the first impression.

the first impression really matters, you know.

and i just learned that during your first week at school, segala tindak tanduk anda sebagai seorang guru baru akan menjadi perhatian, tatapan umum. confirm, muktamad, sungguh tak tipu.

and it happened to me that people will start judging you from head to toe, dari sekecil kecil nano kuman sampai sebesar besar paus paling besar; everything related to you, seriously.

an interesting conversation dengan seorang cikgu senior.
guru - guru pelatih : cikgu, we actually want to observe you, the way you manage the classroom.
guru senior : what? you want to observe me? *gelak kecil* you want to observe me for what?

habis, nak guna word ape lagi lah selain dari 'observe'? -_____-"

seriously, nanti bila dah jadi cikgu senior, i don't wanna be this kind of teacher who actually kinda demotivates new teachers in a way that makes us think we are no better than them. you are teachers, they are teachers, we are teachers. aren't we the same? what's the matter with "you all ada degree, you all belajar oversea" and so forth? like seriously, TEACHERS?

i don't really have problems with this. it's just something to ponder, and i keep thinking about this all the way back from school;

"Kalau betul la this is what gonna happen to me bila dah start posting... uhhh, i can't even imagine it. Teachers should do what they do best; inspire people. Rather than giving those negative first impressions about the profession, apa salahnya kalau kita saling tolong menolong? Yang lebih berpengalaman, share dan beri tunjuk ajar kepada yang baru. Yang semangat fresh fresh, kongsi idea idea baru up-to-date. Kan lebih mantoppp sistem pendidikan negara?"

cikgu pelatih pun akan jadi cikgu senior nanti, cikgu senior pun pernah jadi cikgu pelatih. fair and square, so peace yaww. *log out*

p/s : nanti dah jadi cikgu pencen, sape lah nak ajar cucu cicit piut miut? cikgu pelatih jugakkk. eh. kbai cikgu pelatih nak buat research proposal, semoga cikgu pelatih ini berjaya mengharungi hidup penuh onak duri kbai.

she's driving... like a boss.

semalam was just another plain weekend for me... until i pegang stereng kereta.

well... obviously, untuk pemegang lesen kompeten for like 2 years and yet tak pernah pegang kereta since then, i have the right untuk rasa nervous serupa bawak treler 10 tayar.

it was a short session with hannah, and she taught me well. couldn't believe the moment when she asked me, "Qis, awak nak bawak kereta?" and i was like... "Seriously? Dah la bawak anak orang, kereta orang. Mati enjin tengah jalan tetiba kang, serius nak tanam kepala dalam tanah, serius."

alhamdulillah, the 5-minute session turned out well. dah boleh ingat mana satu clutch, accelerator, brake. at least, itu good sign, right? okay tak right sangat la kalau dah boleh lupa benda basic camtu, kfine.

and it was then when i realize this one thing. driving; is not just driving. you dare to take risks to get yourself moving. and what more, kena jaga the safety of others too, the passengers, other pengguna jalan raya. obey the rules, well not for some reckless drivers i guess. even nak keluar dari simpang jalan pun, you have to really consider things like, "Eh, moto ni nak masuk mane nih? Kang aku jalan, tak pasal pasal terjadinya inertia yang sangat dahsyat." you have to be prepared, secara mental fizikal intelektual dan emosi untuk memandu di jalanraya Malaysia. (eh termasuk falsafah pendidikan negara)

hidup ni umpama bawak kereta la jugak, kalau setakat eksyen kereta ferrari tapi simpan dalam rumah baik tak payah nak eksyen sangat laaa. kereta myvi jugak yang comel, dahla save minyak, macam just nice je. hidup ni pun, kena just nice je. nampak permainan dia?

semoga first step ini akan menjadi pemangkin kepada step step seterusnya. beli kereta mungkin? ehemmm mesti ayah dok batuk batuk kat rumah ni, takpe ayah, duit muka je. duit kepala, badan, tayar, minyak, itu boleh setel kemudian kemudian, no hal. :p eh, ayah dok batuk batuk lagi. okay lah ayah, nak sambung research proposal. untung untung dapat buat proposal beli kereta nanti. ehemmmm *ayah batuk batuk kat rumah* kbai

"Cobaan..." versi Qistina bujang tak lapok.

masuk minggu kedua di maktab, dia punya semangat dah lain macam. jatuh merudum macam bursa saham nasional time kegawatan ekonomi.

sebab apa?

workload final year, lain macam. lain dari year year sebelumnya. bukan takat biasa biasa boleh lipat buat origami kapai terbang, dia punya tahap wa cakap lu... otak buntu pikiaq final year research project. dengan praktikum entah mana hala nak kena campak. assignments (boleh tahan heavy gak ah subjects) tiap tiap minggu ada due dates. tak campuq jadual kelas yang tak menentu, 2 jam waktu pagi, tetiba sejam waktu petang mata-tak-larat-nak-tongkat punya time.

masuk kelas, lecturer cerita pasai masa depan seorang guru pedalaman. dalam tutorial, diskusi pasal isu kahwin. jumpa lecturer dulu dulu time foundation, monolog sendiri; "Oh em gi, that was so... last two years! 23 sudah?"

memang final year habis ah!

hari jumaat, terus lemau umpama biskut Tiger masuk angin. dicicah telan tak sedap, dikunyah rasa lembik. tambah dengan cuaca tak menentu 2 jam hujan 2 jam lagi panas, memang patut rasa seram sejuk serupa nak demam. tak kira dengan masalah kesihatan yang telah kunjung tiba sebulan yang lalu. memang... kalau cerita P. Ramlee Pendekar Bujang Lapok nih, dialog "Cobaan..." patut jadi theme of the week.


mungkin feeling dia, tak sama dengan "Cobaan..." orang lain. cumanya, benarlah ayat cinta Al-Ankabut, ayat 2, yang mana sudah terang lagi bersuluh, Allah berfirman;

"Patutkah manusia menyangka bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan dengan hanya berkata: "Kami beriman", sedang mereka tidak diuji (dengan sesuatu cobaan)?"

kata percaya dengan takdir, tapi cepat sangat nak mengeluh. kata ikhlas nak buat itu ini, tapi ungkit balik sana sini. kata nak bersangka baik selalu, tapi senang yang amat nak carik kelemahan dulu.

baru second week Qistina, come on laaa. ada lagi setahun (tolak 2 minggu) lagi nak habis study. takkan nak give up dah kot? you're almost there, all you need to do is; have faith that Allah is always there, with you. *senyum lebar lebar*

p/s : final year ni... memang ceni eh? hidup makin kurus dah ni rase, no more chubby Qistina, yang ada cuma cekeding Qistina. eh. kbai

what are words

there are millions of words (even more!), but if you can't really say the exact word and convey the meaning, you'd better use this word.

silence.


head up, wear the best smile, and just live. 'cause you're gonna be just fine in the end, no matter what.

"La Tahzan, Innallaha Ma'ana." have faith.