the hectic life awaits.

entahla. for some reasons, i don't feel quite right being me at the moment.

teaching and me, we never really get along that well. that was how i look back then, during my first week of practicum. i had the guts that i'm not going to survive this future - teaching, obviously just because tears kept rolling on the cheeks for quite few times. stressful, fatigue, expectations, yes. they were all the reasons for me not being confident at all. (and skinnier, i can feel diameter tangan makin berkurang)

until last thursday.

kali ketiga masuk kelas dan mengajar, i could feel this is about to end soon. hopeless, frustrated, just name it. all the negativity has taken me, for the fact that i aimlessly masuk mengajar those young children. up to this point, sometimes terlupa niat sebenar nak jadi cikgu. i kept asking to myself, "All this, nak impress sape sebenarnya? Lecturer? Guru pembimbing? Atau sape?"

and that's when the guru pembimbing told me something that "Seriously, you're saying that to me?!". selalunya lepas mengajar, i'll consult the guru pembimbing straightaway, just to ask for feedbacks and any improvement yang kena buat for the next lesson. but that day, she told me something different.

"I really admire your passion, your love to teach. I can see that you're adapting, well at least you're still trying, right? One thing I learn from you is you're so hardworking. I can tell that you are going to be the teacher who students will look up to, definitely."

and i was all.. speechless.

throughout my whole life, this is (so far) the one and only sincere comment made by this one stranger, and yet it makes me realize, that no matter what, just keep trying. no matter what. 'cause after all, buat semua ni sebab apa?

Allahu. :(

serius, rasa macam fake je, bila madam comment macam tu. because we know what we are doing, kita tahu takat mana kita dah usaha. and yet, people may see us in different ways (which mungkin kita tak rasa pun kita buat macam tu). and i know where i am standing now, what i have done so far. macam tak layak je dapat such inspiring comment camtu, yes, i do not deserve this madam.

but looking this at the bright side; are we going to let her think that way, and kita tak buat apa apa to prove that "Yes, I'm gonna be that kind of teacher,"? well, you can make a difference. yes, only you.

menginjak minggu ketiga, mohon doanya semoga apa yang madam katakan itu, itulah yang ada pada empunya diri. sebabnya, taknak la kan kalau orang bersungguh fikir kita ni paling penyabar, tapi the truth is.. bab complain nombor satu. T___T impression orang, kita nak jaga kan.. impression Allah? :'(

the first week

to be honest.. sape cakap jadi cikgu senang, meh sini nak luku kepala sikit. hamboih ingat nak ajaq anak oghang serupa nak train parrot cakap ka?

at times, the thought of giving up tu selalu ada. sampaikan setiap hari, after school, ibu ayah akan call just to ask about how i was coping at school for that day. imagine, everyday.. just to ask, "How's your school today, teacher? Everything alright? Ni kat mana? On the way balik rumah? *gelak jahat*" that's Dad psycho-ing me, ergh. -___-

too many things to think of, really. being a teacher, seriously, seriously, seriously will never be an easy job, trust me.

"but with passion and love, you'll find it easier."

tengah cuba nak develop, tolong doakan, please?