baru submit the final last assignment for this final year of degree last few days. pheww, what a relief. alhamdulillah, thanks be to Allah for making this journey worth fighting.
kalaulah Allah tak ilhamkan kekuatan tu, there's no way i could do this better. probably halfway, and quit, who knows. anything is possible with Allah's will, and for this, i believe i couldn't be any better than this tanpa izin Allah. :)
but to think about how i am going to end this year, i just don't know what to feel. mixed up; seronok sebab dah habis study lalu dewasa (lol!), sedih sebab i'm gonna miss these so soon, confused sebab a lot of things's going on, and many more feelings, just name it.
everything seems blurry and so serious when it comes to future. you never know what will happen there, but the thought always, forever gives you the chills.
the chills of you-don't-know-what-to-expect,-and-yet-you're-expecting-for-something-to-happen. and-yet,-you-still-want-to-expect.
expect the unexpected. it works both ways; samada you expect the unexpected and accept it for the sake of redha, and if you get something you expect, mesti redha dengan gembiranya.
the key word here is; redha. how to actually nurture that feeling redha, when you keep pushing it away, putting up so much hopes and expectations on things you think you can handle, when the real fact is; Allah is the best planner?
nak ada rasa redha tu, payahnya... hanya Dia yang tahu. masih mencuba, but at times like this.. i think i've failed for the zillionth times.