How the teacher really feels.

3 weeks to go for prac, and i don't really know what and how to feel at the moment.

dulu time memula prac bukan main lagi countdown hari nak habis. biasa la, manusia mana reti bersyukur. ekhem

Yesterday was the longest day i've ever had at school. Kelas mula 0830, observation dari mentor sejam, pastu sit-in (cikgu ganti untuk kelas takde cikgu) another half an hour. then, Sejam lagi, untuk cover cikgu tak dapat masuk kelas sebab nak buat coursework. So ended up, dua jam setengah non-stop in that class, sampai cikgu ni pun mati kutu nak buat hapetahhh lelama ceni haaa

Dari the real lesson belajar pasal numbers, games pasal numbers, games keluaq topik dari numbers, origami, you name it. Cikgu siap mintak kebenaran makan dalam kelas lagi huahuahua. Punya cikgu jenuh pikiaq apa laaa nak buat dengan bebudak ni.

At one point, cikgu pun decide, "Okay, it's time to break the news!"

Cikgu : Okay semua. Cikgu akan pindah sekolah lagi 3 minggu. *muka excited habis*
Murid A : Alaaa cikgu, cikgu janganlah pindah. Jangan pindah eh cikgu, jangan eh?
Cikgu : Eh, mana boleh, cikgu kena balik sekolah cikgu. Cikgu dekat sini sekejap je. Mana boleh lama lama kat sini.
Murid B : Tapi cikgu baik, kami nak cikgu ajar kami.. Sampai habis.
Cikgu : *mata berkaca kaca tapi masih cover line* Mana bolehhh, cikgu kan selalu marah marah kamu. Kamu suka ke, cikgu yang suka marah marah kamu?
Murid A : Kalau cikgu yang marah, kami sukaaaa!
Cikgu : !#$^!#^*&#!^!%#^%!*&

"Nanti kami nangis cikgu." Takpe, kita nangis sesame eh? Cikgu sayang kamu jugak, cikgu nak kamu jadi orang. Bukan beruang, bukan haiwan, bukan. Jadi orang yang berguna ye sayang cikgu.

Cikgu akan rindu kamu. :(

gettin' real.

Last night was the hardest. But never mind..


You're doing good, just good. :)

Funny moments with ze kidzzz

I didn't know that teaching these kids is really, really fun and intewesting, seriously. (I mean it!)

We were once kid, tapi these kids... are really getting on my nerves! Haha

Tak boleh nak expect apa yang diorang fikir, apa yang diorang nak tanya, apa respons diorang when we ask questions, and stuffs like that.

Just wanna share few situations when dealing with thoseee monk-kids, EKHEM haha

Situasi pertama :

Cikgu tengah berleter depan kelas sebab kelas sangat bising (classroom management cikgu memang dah kelaut and this was the last resort haha), well trying to psycho these kids dengan luahan hati seorang cikgu.

Cikgu : Kamu nak belajar ke tak ni? Kenapa kamu buat cikgu macam ni? Cikgu dah la tak sihat, sakit tekak lagi. *open her drinking bottle and drink* (Sambung berleterrrrzzzz, bla bla and more blas)

Kid A : Cikgu! *angkat tangan*

Cikgu : Haaa, dah kenapa angkat tangan? Cikgu tengah marah ni, nak tanya apa lagi? (with serious look)

Kid A : Oh tak, cikgu lupa tutup botol air, nanti lalat masuk.

Cikgu : *garu kepala* (taktau patut gelak guling guling atau sambung ceramah psiko, sebab rasa macam cikgu yang ter-psiko zzz)

Situasi kedua :

Cikgu tengah marah lagi kat depan, this time sebab Kid B misbehave dalam kelas. He was doing something else, sepatutnya dia pay attention and do MY work.

Cikgu : Kamu tak sayang cikgu keee? Kenapa kamu taknak buat keja cikgu? Kalau kamu sayang cikgu, kamu tak buat ceni. Kamu nak cikgu pindah ke? Boleh, cikgu pindah esok kalau kamu nak. Kamu nak cikgu pindah? (psycho je ni, praktikum cuma akan habis dua bulan lagi)

Other kids : NAK!

Cikgu : KAMU NAK CIKGU PINDAH??!? (Seriously budak budak ni...?? Memang jujur sangat dah ni tsk tsk)

Other kids : EH takkk cikgu. Takkkkk HEHEHE

Cikgu : !@#$%@^%!#%^!

Situasi 3

Cikgu tengah marah sebab dah frustrated habis dah dengan kelas bising, suara cikgu tenggelam terus. So, cikgu try untuk chill dan biar diorang sengap dulu.

Cikgu : Dah? Semua dah behave dah? Jadi good boy dengan good girl?

Kids : Dah miss.

Cikgu : Cikgu taknak la marah kamu, sebab bila cikgu marah, macam singa. Kamu tahu singa marah macamana..?

Kids : *GELAK SEGHUPA DUNIA INI MEREKA YANG PUNYA, CIKGU NAK MARAH PUN TAK SAMPAI HATI HISH*

Cena la cikgu tak sayang kat hangpaaaa oiii, time cikgu takdak mood, hangpa bagi cikgu senyum. Time cikgu down sorang sorang, hangpa bagi cikgu gelak kukekuke. Hmphhh, 4 weeks to go, cikgu shall embrace every moments with you!

p/s : Well, that's just a few bits of it. Will share more next time, stay tuned :p

Can't wait.

Hard to believe i'm saying this, but.. yeah. I can't wait to reach the finishing line.

I don't want to say much about my life at the moment, well you can't really feel the exact thing I've gone through all this while.

Everything is so complicated that I myself don't really know what to think anymore, but to leave it to Allah.

Sometimes, rasa nak give up trying is just there.

But to think it in a way that yes, I can't really change the situations, the conditions or whatever problems I have, I realize that "Hey, the way you see it, that matters, you know."

Too much to complain, but have you ever thought about being thankful for all the things you have taken for granted? At least, you've got something to be thankful for.

Count your blessings, qistina, not your problems.

not in her best shape

these few days were really not my days.



it is quite frustrating to see how i'm trying hard to fit in, and things just don't go the way it should be.

expectations really kill, yes?

home could be the best place for me now. 5 minggu lagi, teacher. semangat sikit, please.

a blessing in disguise.

Ups and downs, that's life.

The biggest lie is when you says, "I am all good, everything is fine. Everything falls to the right places." Yes, that's just... nonsense.

The real thing is, you cry, you wipe away the tears, put on smiles, and the cycle keeps repeating again and again.

It shows, you're living the life the way it should be. The ups and DOWNS, remember?

"Ujian Allah tak beri kalau Dia tak sayang."

See things dengan kacamata Islam, please. Then only you know, that even the slighest trial Allah give to you, is actually a blessing in disguise.

True story. *tanda aman*

Sila, sila teacher, sila kembali ke bisnes utama.

semangat yang hilang

selepas 2 minggu cuti raya, penulis sudah selamat tiba di perantauan.

as usual. feeling-feeling pas cuti ni, dia punya rasa... serupa nak ulang balik momen sebelum cuti, boleh?

cuti raya kali ni, secara konklusinya, lain dari yang lain. feeling nak raya tu tak berapa nak ada macam dulu dulu time muda belia remaja. setakat feeling seronok jumpa sedara kengkawan, nak masuk dapuq, standard ah kot untuk anak perantau ceni.

tapi feeling tak best sikit ah, bila miss mini reunion time kenduri kawen schoolmates. rasa macam serupa dah tua satu pasai, rasa left out lagi sepasai. hmmmph nasib anak perantau memang ceniii

whatever it is, hidup di bumi Sarawak, tinggal lagi 3 bulan. kemon qistina, 3 months is not that long. 3 months and you're unofficially graduated for degree. (which means "Selamat Tanam Anggur!")

tolong semangat sikit boleh dakkk, teacher? hmph.

the hectic life awaits.

entahla. for some reasons, i don't feel quite right being me at the moment.

teaching and me, we never really get along that well. that was how i look back then, during my first week of practicum. i had the guts that i'm not going to survive this future - teaching, obviously just because tears kept rolling on the cheeks for quite few times. stressful, fatigue, expectations, yes. they were all the reasons for me not being confident at all. (and skinnier, i can feel diameter tangan makin berkurang)

until last thursday.

kali ketiga masuk kelas dan mengajar, i could feel this is about to end soon. hopeless, frustrated, just name it. all the negativity has taken me, for the fact that i aimlessly masuk mengajar those young children. up to this point, sometimes terlupa niat sebenar nak jadi cikgu. i kept asking to myself, "All this, nak impress sape sebenarnya? Lecturer? Guru pembimbing? Atau sape?"

and that's when the guru pembimbing told me something that "Seriously, you're saying that to me?!". selalunya lepas mengajar, i'll consult the guru pembimbing straightaway, just to ask for feedbacks and any improvement yang kena buat for the next lesson. but that day, she told me something different.

"I really admire your passion, your love to teach. I can see that you're adapting, well at least you're still trying, right? One thing I learn from you is you're so hardworking. I can tell that you are going to be the teacher who students will look up to, definitely."

and i was all.. speechless.

throughout my whole life, this is (so far) the one and only sincere comment made by this one stranger, and yet it makes me realize, that no matter what, just keep trying. no matter what. 'cause after all, buat semua ni sebab apa?

Allahu. :(

serius, rasa macam fake je, bila madam comment macam tu. because we know what we are doing, kita tahu takat mana kita dah usaha. and yet, people may see us in different ways (which mungkin kita tak rasa pun kita buat macam tu). and i know where i am standing now, what i have done so far. macam tak layak je dapat such inspiring comment camtu, yes, i do not deserve this madam.

but looking this at the bright side; are we going to let her think that way, and kita tak buat apa apa to prove that "Yes, I'm gonna be that kind of teacher,"? well, you can make a difference. yes, only you.

menginjak minggu ketiga, mohon doanya semoga apa yang madam katakan itu, itulah yang ada pada empunya diri. sebabnya, taknak la kan kalau orang bersungguh fikir kita ni paling penyabar, tapi the truth is.. bab complain nombor satu. T___T impression orang, kita nak jaga kan.. impression Allah? :'(

the first week

to be honest.. sape cakap jadi cikgu senang, meh sini nak luku kepala sikit. hamboih ingat nak ajaq anak oghang serupa nak train parrot cakap ka?

at times, the thought of giving up tu selalu ada. sampaikan setiap hari, after school, ibu ayah akan call just to ask about how i was coping at school for that day. imagine, everyday.. just to ask, "How's your school today, teacher? Everything alright? Ni kat mana? On the way balik rumah? *gelak jahat*" that's Dad psycho-ing me, ergh. -___-

too many things to think of, really. being a teacher, seriously, seriously, seriously will never be an easy job, trust me.

"but with passion and love, you'll find it easier."

tengah cuba nak develop, tolong doakan, please?

finally, it's final :)

it has been 4 days since the semester begins, and praise be to Allah, everything goes well so far.

memasuki semester 8, which indicates the 4th year, time really flies. most of rakan rakan sebaya, ramai yang dah grad, tengah kerja, tak kurang juga yang sedang menunggu kelahiran cahayamata. nampak permainan dia lagu mana? kalau standard orang dulu dulu, ini sudah boleh diconsider sebagai anak dara tua! okay, tak tua lagi qistina. 23 is just numbers, remember? okay abaikan kata kata makhluk ni.

frankly speaking, masa free untuk sem final ni takde ah banyak mana. packed dengan banyak outdoor events and programmes, serius. these two weeks, ada kursus pengurusan koko dan taklimat pre-practicum. the most highlighted event (ever!), mesti ahhh praktikum selama 3 bulan. 3 bulan tu, macam macam boleh jadi wei. nervous toksah habaq, tapi takpe. kita chill, lek lek luk. start 1 july sampai mid oct, memang busy dengan lesson plans, aktiviti sekolah, observations dari lecturers (gulp!), untuk 5 working days. nak free pun cuma weekends kot, tapi dengaq cerita sabtu hari koko sekolah. burn lagi sehari. maka, weekend cuma.. ahad. yeay! nampak tak kerja cikgu ni cena sebenarnya? dedikasi habis! (eh?!)

sekolah praktikum, well.. oh just nice. 30-45 minutes drive dari rumah sewa sekarang, the first impression; GB helpful, sekolah kecik (which means peluang untuk masuk kelas lagi banyak), and lokaliti dia, kawasan orang Bidayuh. kiri kanan gerejas, cuma jumpa 1 masjid along the way nak pegi sekolah. ayah memang dah pesan awai awai, "kamu jaga diri leklok, dok tempat orang lagu ni, satgi dok buat haru pulak, jenuh." ayah and his daddy's instinct. well, ayah.. this daughter of yours will be doing just fine, just fine with your duas, iA :)

then, lepas praktikum, a lot of stuffs coming in. dengan camping nya, program dental awareness lah, dinner(s), KISSM and the test, and many more scheduled programmes yang kena attend, that's gonna make the whole semester the busiest, ever. tak tahulah orang lain cena kan, but seriously, dah dapat rasa dah feeling feeling cikgu. aura tu takde ah lagi (pfffttt!), tapi last time waktu pegi sekolah ibu (my former primary school), cikgu cikgu situ mesti cakap.. "uihhh, dah besaq dah anak murid cikgu nih! dulu hingus hingus je, sekarang dah nak jadi rakan sejawat pulak." hingus hingus ni lemah ahh, rasa macam zaman persekolahan dulu selebet, selekeh dan sama waktu dengannya, errr.

entri kali nih panjangnya luar biasa sikit, bukan hape.. takut rindu kat tuan tanah je. yela, kan nak jadi "the busiest teacher ever", mana nak hupdate blog selalu dah pasni. entri emo emo tu, standard ah kot. haha

well oh well. mohon doanya, semoga dipermudahkan segalanya untuk semester ini. tak sabar rasanya nak masuk bulan november, kerana cuti 'panjang' bakal bermula, dan status akan bertukar menjadi.. penganggur! yeay :)

see you some other time, hearts! semoga semuanya baik baik saja, iA ;)

"Don't think too much, just don't. The busy life will keep you occupied."

words, please.

senyuman terukir, hanya di bibir.


biarlah, biar. biar hati itu terus menyimpan rahsia. kerana dia cuba untuk bahagia, meski hanya pura pura.

"Sabarlah duhai hati, cuba untuk memahami."

life, so far

alhamdulillah, yesterday marked the end of Term 7 (which means the final sem is coming, weehu!). attended a talk on i-Think programme (well, teachers' stuffs), and only realized that all the hardships have GONE. just imagine, dulu dok bebel bebel sangat pasal research, semalam dah dapat balik dah research project tu. exam result; finger-crossed please, since ze lecturers said like this, "By 29th, if you don't get any call or message from us, you are all safe (no fail). And then you all will call me on the 30th saying thank you for not calling you." okay madam, noted! hihi

another significant (Wow! word) upcoming agenda is our seniors' grad. mungkinlah takde terasa heksaitednye ohmaiii this is my day sambil mata bersinar sinar bak iklan innershine. but to think of it in a way that i'll be there, soon :) next year, around this time, i'll be graduating (supposedly kat putrajaya as they will have it there this monday), with Allah's willing. semoga ijazah yang akan diperoleh itu bermanfaat untuk diri, dan selainnya. happy graduating, seniors! this is it, the moment we the students have been waiting for :))

another major concern (for now, yes) is the fact that heyyy! practicum is coming so soon, y'all! cuti 3 minggu, and the first 2 weeks lepas cuti; will be full with lots and lots and lots of programmes and workshops, believe me. lepas the 2 hectic weeks, here comes the most awaited (errr, not so) part of the final year; PRACTICUM! 3 months you'll be at school, trying your best to adapt to the school environment, start practise etika perguruan and stuffs like that (errr) and be the teacher you wanna be. so future anak murids, please please please. jangan expect Miss Qis nak senyum masa minggu pertama, kedua or maybe the early weeks of the practicum, i'm not gonna tolerate any misbehaviours, hokayyy? (insert emoticon muka garang tapi trying to act cute though, lol) hey, i'm practising my classroom management skills, just so you know. :p

oh lupa. starting tomorrow, le familia will be here, in Kuching for five days. doakan semoga selamat dalam permusafiran, dan doakan jugak supaya this tourist guide takdela nak bawak diorang sesat jalan pastu "La... Ingat dok Sarawak lama dah, tau la jalan kot sini. Ni kena depends kat GPS, apecer der?" ini possible dialog ayah, haha.

will update more, soon! stay safe, take care and happy holiday-ing! (errr, applicable kepada guru guru, bakal guru, guru nak pegi praktikum next sem, dan anak murids, ehem! hihi)

keep dreaming,

and that's where everything starts.

:)

that same exact feeling when

penyakit yang sama berulang ulang. dah terbiasa, sampaikan the best way to get over it; tidur. bad qistina, bad huhu.

rabu ni final exam, the one and only paper left. but untuk cakap i have started doing the revision, that is just too mainstream.

fokus. doa. motivation.

those are the important things i need now. hope for a better nation, for a better qistina. eh.

"Allah won't give you more than you can bear. He might let you bend, but He won't let you break."
:'(

the end.

baru submit the final last assignment for this final year of degree last few days. pheww, what a relief. alhamdulillah, thanks be to Allah for making this journey worth fighting.

kalaulah Allah tak ilhamkan kekuatan tu, there's no way i could do this better. probably halfway, and quit, who knows. anything is possible with Allah's will, and for this, i believe i couldn't be any better than this tanpa izin Allah. :)


but to think about how i am going to end this year, i just don't know what to feel. mixed up; seronok sebab dah habis study lalu dewasa (lol!), sedih sebab i'm gonna miss these so soon, confused sebab a lot of things's going on, and many more feelings, just name it.

everything seems blurry and so serious when it comes to future. you never know what will happen there, but the thought always, forever gives you the chills.

the chills of you-don't-know-what-to-expect,-and-yet-you're-expecting-for-something-to-happen. and-yet,-you-still-want-to-expect.

expect the unexpected. it works both ways; samada you expect the unexpected and accept it for the sake of redha, and if you get something you expect, mesti redha dengan gembiranya.

the key word here is; redha. how to actually nurture that feeling redha, when you keep pushing it away, putting up so much hopes and expectations on things you think you can handle, when the real fact is; Allah is the best planner?

nak ada rasa redha tu, payahnya... hanya Dia yang tahu. masih mencuba, but at times like this.. i think i've failed for the zillionth times.

:(

"Kau sekolah mana dulu? Hah?"

hmmm. nak tahu satu benda random tak?

currently, i'm doing my research paper punya assignment. and out of nowhere, i open new tab kat google chrome and guess..?

type kat youtube; MRSM PDRM dan scroll sampai jumpa this video.

students mrsm pdrm form 5 06/07


serius. random. okay.

and then terfikir this one thing.

agak agak, kalau bagi video nih pastu buat kuiz "Masihkah kau ingat nama nama mereka ini?", kompem ada yang garu kepala.

memori habis nih der. kalau tak ingat jugak... sila luku kepala sendiri sambil berkata, "Kau sekolah mana dulu? Hah?"

EPIC.

A cute zombie is looking for brains! Anyone? :p

words, are not enough to describe what is happening inside ma brain.

at this time, the thought of quitting can be quite disturbing, you know.
too tired to give up, too hardcore to stay the course. eh. mohon doa yang baik baik untuk penulis, pwetty pweaseee?

tak pernah sezombie begini. sampaikan nak tidur pun rasa serba salah, tahu? *tapi TERtidur jugak ah atas lantai depan laptop, heh*

takpelah. kalau qistina dah start bebel ceni, maksudnya takde ah dia zombie mana pun. habis kuat pun, eyebags dua ketul, otak tingtong weng weng, cakap merepek. macam dalam post ni. emergeeeed. what are you saying, qistina? say it again?

okay enough babbling, i need to save the words dalam kepala otak for research. jangan bazir semborono.

"Ujian hebat untuk orang hebat."

dok hebak sangat ah kalau mu dok stuck sini dok gerak gerak. mu gi cari brains nuh! -_-"

kbai. doa baik baik tau! jangan lupa, DOA! semoga Allah permudahkan urusan semua :)

"And seek assistance through patience and prayer, and most surely it is a hard thing except for the humble ones, Who know that they shall meet their Lord and that they shall return to Him." [2:45-46] <3

don't kebab.

dah hujung hujung sem ni, feeling dia lain macam sikit ah. entah, nak terang.. serba tak kena. serupa alah bisa tegal biasa. dah selalu sangat bergelumang dengan esaimen, sampaikan 1500 words tu standard buat 2 malam sebelum due date. bukan nak galakkan prokrastinasi dan sebagainya, bukan. cuma nak kata.. penat pikiaq esaimen, sampai kadang kadang tu tak rasa penat dah. rasa dah lali dengan last-minute work. i know this is not good, yes i'm aware of that. but frankly speaking, too tired to feel the penat.

and the fact that i tend to think too much at this period of time, really kills the entire me. rasa macam hopeless sangat bila fikir macam macam, and takde resolution, just.. fikir. maybe i need to get a good enough rest for a night, just to clear up my mind, maybe. but for sure not at this time.

sebab.. i've got 6000-words esaimens to be completed by Monday. 6000 tu, agaknya kalau muntah pun keluar words gamaknya. eh.

doakan okay! semoga Allah permudahkan urusan semua, iA <3 p/s : nak tengok kebab yang lazat? nah, tekan link nih untuk kebab yang enak lagi comel. eh.

life ain't easy, you know!

when things are getting complicated, (life ain't easy, you know!) i have this one habit. this one weird (?) habit.

google gambar gambar scenery yang cantik, nature shots (especially laut, sungai, anything that has to do dengan air), foto foto abstrak yang cun, and guess? i'll imagine myself being there at that right moment, embracing the whole perfect harmony of nature and its beauty, and try to put meaning to the abstract photos (of course why not?, cakap jiwang heh)

this could be the best therapy for me (so far), even secara physicallynya you're not there (not that close!).

so, whenever i post anything/photos about nature, abstract, etc (as listed), that explains the state of my mind at the moment. which-you-know-what, eh.

to tell you the truth.. life ain't easy, you know! okay tagline lame, kbai.

say only when you mean it.

i say words when i really mean them.

and when i say i do, i will always do, always. keep that in mind, and you shall never forget.

"..'cause she's awesome liddat, you know. to tell the truth, degil sebenarnya. blergh."

again and again

it happens again and again.

again and again, all i could ask for; pinjam kan kekuatan itu. kekuatan yang sama tara dengan ujian ini.

sungguh, saat ini baru terasa kerdilnya hamba ini. kerana hanya dengan sedikit ujian ini pun, merayu rayu meminta diberi kekuatan. apalah sangat nilai hamba yang tak reti bersyukur ni, kalau nak dibandingkan betapa ramainya lagi hamba yang hidup diberi ujian sentiasa, and yet masih menunaikan hak sebagai hamba itu?

kuat! and that's the most difficult word, after all. :(

somebody i used to know

selama almost twenty three years bernafas, jarang yang amat dia jatuh sakit. jarang, serius. habis teruk pun, sakit kepala. demam? susah yang amat.

but that was years back then.
sekarang dia tak fit macam dulu dah.

with aches all over the body and serious back pain too, it is hard to tell that she is having the time of her life now.

demam pun kadangkala menjengah, sakit kepala tu dah macam alah bisa tegal biasa.

"Everyone is facing the same thing too." "But the thing is, itu mereka. This is me, I know my own limits."

"Tapi Allah takkan bebani hambaNya dengan something yang dia tak mampu. Pernah dengar kan? Teruskan bertahan. Kuatkan semangat, pujuk diri jangan manja sangat. Jangan layankan sangat lemah lemah ni."

"Sungguh, kalau boleh share rasa ini, pasti yang mendengar tidak mahu. Kerana rasa itu sangat sukar hendak dirungkai, tersimpan rapi dalam hati. Tolong. Tolong doakan aku ya?"

dia tak tahu nak rasa macam mana. menurun, barangkali.

"Dan sungguh, Kami benar-benar akan menguji kamu sehingga Kami mengetahui orang-orang yang benar-benar berjihad dan bersabar di antara kamu; dan akan Kami uji perihal kamu." (47:31)

okay, dia memang patut nangis sekarang.

twenty... err, twenty-what?

i was looking at the list for the convoi team yang pegi trip Satun haritu, when i spontaneously said "Errr, for real, this is happening?"

No. Kereta : P**8088
Nama : Incik Ayah (bukan nama sebenar) (53 tahun)
Puan Ibu (bukan nama sebenar) (54 tahun)
Qistina (nama sebenar) (21 tahun)
Eiein (bukan nama sebenar) (17 tahun)

okay, now spot the most pelik fact about the details.



get it?
i also get it maaa, lagi cepat than uols tauuu. sebab i was 2 years younger daripada biasa, uols ade keee?

and straightaway, i asked him; "Ayah, ayah ingat dak cheq umoq berapa la ni?" "Ha, ingat. Hat dok tulis dalam kertas tu la kan?" "Ayahhh! Daklaaa! Cheq dah doploh tiga tahun dah ayah! Ayah tak ingat kaaa?" (Dalam hati bukan main suka lagi yeee, awet muda la konon)

the next reaksi ayah was "Laaaa, yaka? Bukan doploh satu ka?" sambil sengih sengih. mujur. mujur ayah cakap anak hat ni muda dua tahun. takdak la nak gelabah sangat, "eh awattt, muka dah ageing kaaa ayah dok ingat 27 tahun?"

kfoineee. meaning to say; you're not behaving the way you should behave. the age you should behave. come on qistina, this is not happening, you're not that sweet seventeen ke, sour twenty ke. be the twenty three, think like twenty three.

or.. Ayah nak cakap, "Hey you my only baby girl, forever jadi baby girl boleh?"

okay pengsan kalau ayah cakap face-to-face.
terima kasih ayah, you made my day! hikhiks :p

p/s : whatever it is, ingat. masa tak tunggu kita. mungkin harini kita doploh tiga. semalam doploh dua. esok? tengok tengok dah lima ploh lima. kalau pun sempat angka lima. kalau angka dua pun tak lepas? haru! time flies so fast that kejip mata pun boleh beza setahun, tahu? cakap pasal waktu hidup, bukan main pum pam pum pam, cakap pasal waktu mati? bunyi cengkerik krik krik krik. ni shoot diri sendiri ke hape nih qistina -_____-"

siapa cakap nak jadi cikgu, senang?

logicallynya, memang senang nak jadi cikgu. dahulu. zaman pak kaduk. era tok nenek kita. asal pass darjah 6, okay anda boleh keluar sekolah dan apply sebagai seorang guru. imagine, budak 12 tahun dah boleh masuk mengajar, memang tak dinafikan, itu dahulu. waktu pendidikan hanyalah sekadar ABC, 123.

tapi, kalau ada yang berkata nak jadi cikgu sekarang senang, meh sini. duduk elok elok, meh kita bincang baik baik kenapa hakikat sebenar untuk menjadi seorang guru makin susah.

kenapa rasa macam suasana tegang nih? okay chill qistina, chill.

last week, ada terjumpa this one senior. we talked a lot, about the future and how she's doing now, especially dengan posting and things like that. to my surprise, a lot of new things and new terms she told us, and those are really new to us. sangat baru, sampaikan we had no clue of those new things. maybe la ade, but salah qistina jugak sebab seperti katak di bawah tempurung, jarang yang amattt sekali nak beli newspaper, tengok berita apatah lagi. =___="

she shared a lot about her experiences. not to mention all of those, tapi seriously. to be a teacher je pun bukan calang calang orang sekarang. even you're in the system (contoh IPG or UPSI or other IPTAs), jawatan tu tak sure lagi dapat. you have to undergo interviews, for the lucky ones mungkin dapat penilaian khas, and untuk yang cepat maybe can apply for interim.

penilaian khas contohnya, she kept reminding us to fulfill the 3 main criteria; PNGK 3.5 and above, gred praktikum the least is A-, and dapat recommendation dari pihak kolej. okay boleh start garu kepala pikiaq dok kumpui Cs merata.

interview? to compete now dengan other graduates from the unis, you really have to be fully active, confident, everything must tip-top one lehhh. takkan interviewer nak tertarik kat orang koman koman ye dop? okay mungkin boleh garu hidung.

interim? she mentions about the other friends; senang nak dapatnya kalau apply kat sabah sarawak. kalau semenanjung, most probably johor, this is what she said. okay mungkin boleh garu mata?

to be honest, to be a teacher is one of my kanak-kanak ambitions. kalau dulu people keep saying, "Hey, be a teacher. Noble job kot." and i was like.. so? tapi once dah immersed dalam society pendidikan ni, dia punya feeling serius lain. rasa semangat nak ubah mentaliti masyarakat tu membuak buak. rasa macam tugas cikgu nih.. adventure dia kalah james bond.

tapi.. kadang kadang tu low self-esteem tu ada gak ah nak menerpa, menghasut. "Alah, belum tentu dapat position cikgu tu pun. Tak payah fikir sangat ah, kalau dapat, jadi. Kalau tak dapat, find a new job. End of story."

the thing is; kalau sekarang tak fikir, what are the other options i have?

housewife could be the best one, home-schooling anak anak, and at the end of the day; you're still a teacher kan? okay istilah anak anak itu nampak beno nipunye, advance sungguh teman ni haa!

ahhh, mana mana pun bagi habis final year dulu.

p/s : all these could be just my opinion. kalau ada salah silap, well, that's just opinion. sorry in advance then. peace yaww! ^______^"

suprise satun chillin' time!

sabtu lepas, arrived home safely for a-week holiday. should be tak balik pun, but i insisted of going back, like desperately i need to be at home. with things going on di maktab's life, i guess i've made the right decision. i just need space and time to get myself recharged, and this could be the right one. alhamdulillah, so far so good. the days are fully occupied dengan banyak benda, and the suprise ayah buat is the most highlighted one!

few weeks back, ayah asked me details about my passport and international stuffs. (like bila expiry date, no passport, what to do bila nak keluar negara, stuffs like that). i didn't think too much, just ingatkan, "oh ya, probably dia just nak isi those details kat form mana mana, nothing much nak bother pun kan." but when he kept mentioning about the expiry date, asking me to confirm again and again (in case anak dia ni, well..), dah mula syak wasangka something.

so i decided.. "I could have asked ibu about this, maybe she knows!" and yeah i did. so, tahap surprise tinggal 50 percent bila dapat tahu, we're going to Thailand!


gittew.

alhamdulillah, segala puji bagi Allah, sesungguhnya aturan Allah itu cantik kan. sungguh, i didn't expect this vacation to be just like what i've been dreaming for - the beach (i've been longing for this lama dah!), the scenery, the quality time i had with loves, the good food (I ate a lot - seafood, banana split tak split, the tomyums; like seriously!), everything - just right timing, right places. no exact word shall describe the whole processes, it's just.. Masha Allah!


muzium, as expected kannn. hewhew


the sukaneka.


the seafood and banana split. murah oiii seafood sini, should try one!


makhluk ini sedang memikirkan masa depannya.. yang tak pasti. ahem.




candid, ce cari mana qistinaaa


tut tuttt, awesome baq hang!


this is how the pekan hat yai looks like. macam pekan rabu je weh!



the photos are just few, as compared to what i had experienced. :)

i learned a lot too, just to say that trying out different views of different people has taught me to be more considerate of others. mungkin masih belajar, but throughout this short vacation has bring something new in me - jangan expect orang untuk faham kita saja, kita yang kena faham orang dulu! this satun trip was actually anjuran kelab keluarga sekolah ayah, ramai gak ah pegi. konvoi dalam 15 kereta camtu, semua orang ade pe'el masing masing. siap ada sukaneka lagi, dan serius awesome baq hang! cikgu cikgu baya mak ayah kita sporting habis :)

Thai's culture - not so much different with ours. (except mat rempit dia sopan santun, tak rempit sangat ahhh macam superman kita LOL). they prefer to use their own language, just few yang dapat converse in English and Malay. helmet pun tak wajib pakai, boleh selamba badak je pegi town tak pakai. the most vehicle used kat sana - trak pikap cam Hilux tu. the people; quite friendly, mungkin few yang rude kat jalan, aksi potong memotong macam race tu ade je macam kat highway plus tu haa). for Muslim food and tempat semayang, iA mudah je nak cari kat this area, since most of them Muslims. this experience really makes me wonder; ini baru satu negara pergi dah discover a lot of new things, what about berapa ratus lagi negara? Allah dah cipta manusia ni berbangsa bangsa, bersuku kaum supaya kita boleh saling kenal. (Al Hujurat: 13) so whatcha been waiting for? go get your stuffs packed, plan your trip to anywhere you like, and explore! as if macam trip tu guna dua ringgit je kan, as if. make sure mampu, sesuai dan berbaloi jugak, okay?

rasa macam ejen travelling companies pulak. enough, enough Qistina. cikgu pelatih ini harus mulakan kerja sekolah bertimbun timbun, kerana masa cuti beliau hanya berbaki empat hari. hmmmmm

typical question; "ni form berapa nih? laaa, dah uni ka, awat muka budak budak sangat nih?" dah biasa dah, dah biasa sangat dah permainan lagu ni. -_-

normal.

too much to think about, too much.. for the zillionth time, i feel emotionless, restless, effortless. couldnt even bother what to feel anymore.

even the cengeng tears won't come out now. and that's when i seriously.. seriously have nothing left to say except sabar.

if only the word as easy as it sounds.



i really, really need time untuk duduk tepi laut all alone, just for once to clear up mind. just, for once.

"..even heroes have the right to bleed."

all good

these few days, really. really. really. lemau days. (bila ada repetition tiga kali, ini sangat serius)

as 'lemau' as biskut tak tutup bekas kedap udara elok elok, lalu bila dijamah, rasa macam "Eh, macam biskut bayi nih, lembik."


i don't know what keeps me busy these few days, but really. asal malam je, everything goes wrong. badan tak sedap, lenguh the whole badan, serious backpain, sleepy sampai tertidur tidur, severe headaches, many more not to be mentioned. almost setiap malam simptom simptom ini berulang, and i just can't help melainkan.. bertahan setakat mana yang termampu.

it was then at one time, i couldn't bear these pains, so i ended up with tears. crying. hoping that these pains will get to end soon, soon enough for me; i know i HAVE TO bear these, but just for the time being, please.. pain, go away.


probably this is the time.

have faith Qistina, have faith that He will always be with you, always be. "..because He knows these pains are the best for you, at this right moment."

seriously, i think i really, really, really need something to get me focused. distractions are everywhere. and these pains could be one of those.

Ya Rabb, satu pinta; berikan rasa redha dan syukur itu melebih segalanya.

what a day.

it's monday, well yeah. long time tak dengaq frasa monday blues. not one for me though, harini isnin yang biasa biasa.

the day started dengan body aches here and there, padan muka untuk tidak terus keep fit dengan senaman, jogging dan sebagainya. berjalan to and fro maktab almost 2 km, tidakkah itu cukup untuk buatkan anda fit, healthy, tidak muscle aches seperti atlet? (konon atlet lah kan)

and the teacher trainee pun meneruskan hari beliau dengan melawat site project; sekolah. it took almost an hour just to check the anak murids' workbooks, itu pun dah complain, "Acane nak mark buku bebudak bebanyak nih, baru 2 buku dah menguap seluas singa mengaum?" rawrsss

balik dari sekolah, terus pegi pejabat TM untuk urusan pembayaran bil. biasalah, cikgu pelatih ini masih tradisional, segalanya tak di hujung jari lagi, kena pegi beratur panjang lagi untuk setel bil. and then she understands the reason kenapa online bill payment telah diwujudkan di Malaysia. untuk pengalaman lebih bermakna, sila ke pejabat pos atau pejabat kerajaan waktu lunch hour untuk explanation tak perlu kata apa apa.

hampir separuh siangnya di luar di bawah sinaran mentari yang menyilau lagi menghabakan, perempuan ini pulang ke teratak imtiyaz. did the housechores, dah setel semua dan eh! dah pukul 5 rupanya.

and the night is all about planning for tomorrow. homework esok, lesson plans kena present, prepare to-do list untuk hari hari mendatang.

and the routine goes on and on and onnnn, possibly goes on macam my heart will go on titanic version.

and what a day, sempat pulak cikgu pelatih ni update belog eh? eh, cikgu tengah multi-tasking nih, mengarang sambil ber-lesson plan-ing. tak nampak ke? *angkat kening sebelah*

p/s : see the life through better perspectives. cuba untuk lihat positivity dalam setiap benda, your life will be great! Alhamdulillah, what a day You've given me. :)

abang

yesterday was the kenduri. what kenduri? ehem ehemmm.

abang's kenduri.

it went well (i guess?), ibu called waktu kenduri dah habis, and mengadu this one thing.

"Penat la ibu kemas sorang sorang, takde sape pun nak tolong ibu. Abang dah balik kl tadi."

and i was like... "I wish i could help ibu. I really wish i could just be there and help you with those things."

and that is the main reason for me not to mintak posting jejauh; on the list are just utara sections - Penang, Kedah, Perak, or Perlis. well, aturan Allah jugak yang paling cantik kan, iA boleh berusaha dan yakin lagi percaya apa apa yang berlaku, itu yang paling baik pada waktu dan ketika itu. just wait and see.

oh yea, this story is actually about abang. remember one of my post about him, having dilemma and recently planning to go for umrah?

alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, one of the good news i've ever heard from him was last Tuesday.

he was offered a quite-promising, permanent job dekat satu government office ni, which for me... awesomenya aturan Allah!

dalam saat dia buntu fikir pasal his future, and he was about to go untuk ziarah rumah Allah, Allah hadirkan satu berita gembira untuk dia, dan kami sekeluarga.

satu benda yang aku kagum dengan abang ni; dia pandai bawa diri. he can easily make friends with everyone; can you imagine dekat 4-5 tempat kerja dia yang dulu, memang banyak cabel ah, serius wooo. even tempat kerja dia yang last ni, ibu cakap orang masih taknak bagi dia berhenti. "what so special about you huh, abang?" ada riak jeles di hati seorang adik.

well, he deserves all these. seriously, i'm a proud lil sister, i could say all the good things about him, and could hardly find his weakness. (except for kuat membebel dan tidy-conscious jugak macam ayah, lol)

bonus untuk abang jugak, when i asked him, "tempat kerja nanti kat mana?" "Penang weh, Penang. boleh ulang alik dari rumah wehhh." okay fine, adik ini berhak untuk iri hati. T___T

anyways anyhows abang, this adik of yours just want to say, "Hey abang, i as your only lil sister nak request this one thing. Gaji pertama sila belanja makan besar satu family bulan mac, gaji kedua sila simpan untuk buat hantaran meminang anak dara orang. Gaji ketiga nak hulur hulur pun, okay jugaklaaa."

Eh jap. ni sape yang kerja ni, gaji sape sebenarnya?

somewhere over the rainbow

tak tahu nak rasa apa sekarang. tak tahu.
cuma satu.



beri kekuatan setimpal dengan apa yang Kau beri.
cuma itu je, itu je. tak lain dari itu.

rasa nak terjun atas jetplane, terbang pulang ke rumah. rindu nak kacau eiein, nak kena marah dengan ayah, nak sesi girls' talk dengan ibu, nak boys' talk dengan faris, nak keluar dengan abang. cepat march, sila datang segera.

something good in everyday

untuk menjadi seorang yang positif di tahun akhir pengajian sangatlah terasa susah yang amat, like seriously.. susah.

takdir telah menentukan, banyak pulak benda nak kena setel at one time, sehinggakan kadang kadang rasa diri macam sebuah mesin robot yang bergerak tanpa rehat, bergerak tanpa ada satu matlamat yang betul betul, yang pasti.

at one point, rasa nak give up tu melebihi segala galanya. melebihi rasa yang sepatutnya seorang hamba, punya. melebihi rasa yang sepatutnya seorang khalifah, percaya. melebihi rasa yang sepatutnya seorang manusia, kaya.

cuba bayangkan, sakit gigi selama 3 minggu yang lepas terpaksa ditahan hanya kerana nak save duit, akhirnya menuntut pengorbanan ratusan ringgit, and yet.. still sakit sampai sekarang.

cuba bayangkan, parcel yang ditunggu tak kunjung tiba, once dah sampai, tak dapat nak pick up sebab busy dengan kelas and stuffs, and bila pergi claim, parcel sudah dihantar pulang ke penang.

cuba bayangkan, kelas full at one time, and nak dijadikan cerita, time tu jugak kena submit this one particular assignment yang memerlukan higher order thinking skills, memang zombie habis ah berjaga. lemau the whole day, and tak produktif langsung.

and banyak lagi "cuba bayangkan" moments yang berlaku, those are just few.

entahla. kadang kadang rasa macam i have the right to give up life that easy. i just feel i have that right to be that way; giving up hopes after all the things i've been through. just, that.

and then i get to think this.

why am i here, still living in the first place kalau giving up is the only option i have? why on earth you're still here, typing all those words, commenting on stuffs yang Allah dah takdirkan untuk you? why?

gulp.

normal, untuk manusia itu berasa lemah. kerana dari situ dia kembali kepada fitrahnya, seorang hamba yang hanya bergantung harap dengan Tuannya. seorang khalifah yang berusaha sedaya upaya menunaikan tanggungjawabnya sehabis baik. seorang manusia, yang sememangnya manusia normal; yang bila jatuh, dia cuba bangun dan terus melangkah, biarpun payah.

"Hang tak payah risau sangat aih, semua orang pun dok buat benda yang sama. Yang bezanya, the way you deal with it. You have your own ways, go for it. As long as you keep moving, that's more than enough. There is always something good in everyday, that something; could be you."

*senyum*

say it as you mean it

the picture speaks what i'm about to say, just so you know.

'cause i know you won't be able to find out the truest truth of it, it's her favourite ringtone.

satu pinta.

andai ini yang terbaik
berikan rasa itu
rasa puas hati
lapang dada
mampu terima
apa apa pun yang telah direncana.

kerana sungguh
manusia ini hanya biasa biasa
masih mencuba sehabis upaya
tengah berusaha dengan segala
apa yang ada
untuk dirinya cuma, dirinya yang hina.

andai ini yang terbaik
permudahkan.

sungguh, susah nak digambar dengan kata kata rasa ini. rasa yang.. entah, tak pasti.

Quote Of The Day #1

the call.

last few weeks, had a brief chat with him. it was just a conversation of not to say heart-to-heart one, but just tanya khabar, and how he was doing so far. well, he didn't tell much, as expected, probably thinking it's not nice to let me know all the problems he might have.

but i know his feelings, 'cause i've been there. maybe not for the same reason, but yeah. i can feel you.

banyak sangat benda yang perlu di-achieve, and he's in a great dilemma. recently, he told me about his future planning; he is now saving money, planning to get a permanent job, and get married. that's his plan, the rationale is that people at his age should be doing all these, and he's the one who is still struggling at the moment. baru saving sikit, kerja masih kontrak, and then marriage? mestilah jauh lagi nak dapat fikir, and i feel bad for him.

if only i could help, at least do something to ease his burden.

just in time, something unexpected came.

Tok will be going to Mecca to perform her umrah this coming March, and he was asked to accompany Tok there. at first, he felt a bit reluctant and indecisive, just because he felt it was not the best, right time to go. with his condition, he thought it would be difficult for him to actually go there and spend his saving, when the real fact, the saving was meant for his future.

i couldn't believe my ears, and hearing to that, i replied, "You make the decision, so better make a good one. Bukan senang nak dapat peluang macam ni, and yet the future pun penting jugak. I know it's hard for you to choose, tapi percayalah, apa apa yang telah diputuskan selepas ini, that's the best for you."

and he chose to go there despite the fact that he's going to use some of his saving for the umrah trip.

suprisingly awesome how Allah has put all the things into places.

it was one of his dreams to be there, in front of Kaa'bah, and make duas. his past experiences uruskan orang nak pegi haji makes the urge to go there even stronger than ever. "All good, iA, i'm going to make lots of duas there, probably this is the best for me, for now."

and i said this to him, "Don't worry abang, duit boleh dicari. Tapi nak pegi rumah Allah? Once in a lifetime pun belum tentu tau dapat. Dah tu, doa depan Kaa'bah kot... okay jeles."

p/s ; he asked me, "Nak pesan pape nanti cakap la kat abang. IA abang boleh je." "Nak pesan suruh doa something boleh?" and i smiled. THE END. eh.

get a life, dudes and dudettes.

it's sunday pepol, wake up, rise and shine seperti bintang bintang berkedipan, menghiasi. eh eh. off tune, heh

kerja bertimbun, yes i know. i should not be here, writing post or whatsoever. minggu ni saje, presentation research project, first assignment curriculum studies, presentation professional development. nama subjek je pun dah gah lain macam. gah gah termengah mengah dengornye tahu?

kalau dulu, tendency untuk komplen memang banyak. awal awal, normal. sekarang dah malas dah. rasa macam dunia assignment ni bukan hanya ana yang punya, dunia ini milik kita bersama, ecewah. so, y so serius? buat sudeyhhh!

memandangkan ini mungkin tahun terakhir bergelar student (who knows, master phd dah ke laut waktu tu kan), we have to cherish every moment. buat kerja rileks cam biasa, elakkan stress tekanan perasaan dan lemah longlai lemau ye tuan tuan puan puan. act cool, after all, nama pun student, buat kerja bajet cam student je la, senang.

semoga terus diberi kekuatan setimpal dengan ujian yang dihadapi, iA. semoga semua pun selamat selamat jugak, selamattt!

"Have a good weekends, not a good week ends." ngertik?

"i am a cheetah." lol.

p/s : to dear you, i know you will read this. semoga baik baik sajaaa! take care sweetie! see you in March, iA! :))

super ring!

"It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me."

You think I'm gonna give up that easily? Spell this: N-O. W-A-Y.

untuk kesekian kalinya, i'm all confused.

cuba untuk make sense of everything that happened, kept saying.. "Everything happened for reasons."


but there are things i just can't believe with my own eyes and ears.

after all this while? after all the things you've been through? and... that's it?

come on, that's not the end of it. you've gotta try harder, pray harder, even give the best-est of you to the things you value that much.

think. just, think. for once, put some efforts to it. don't just go and say, "I'm giving up."

even binatang pun tahu, rezeki tak datang bergolek. burung di pagi-pagi buta kena keluar cari cacing, cacing tak jatuh dari langit beb. cacing tu kena dicari.

perancangan Allah itu memang paling terbaik, tapi takkan nak duduk senyap senyap takde usaha langsung? apa guna nya Allah jadikan manusia itu ada kudrat, ada tenaga kalau bukan untuk berusaha?

tak faham la, kenapa nak kena give up that easily. "Cakap percaya dengan janji Allah, sebab percayalah aku serahkan hal ni bulat bulat kepadaNya."

"Habis tu, tak payah study la final exam. Bior je, fail kena repeat pun perancangan Allah jugak. Simple."

Come on la. Efforts mana, efforts? Not the best person to comment on this, but seriously... these people are making me sick. Tak usaha, pastu nak letak pertanggungjawaban takdir semata mata?

2 kali 5 dengan manusia yang tanam padi, dok harap ayaq hujan turun bagi subuq padi. musim kemarau apecer der? takkan nak tongkat dagu tunggu hujan turun kottt?

sama se-spesies orang yang nak kawen, tapi malas nak fikir sebab "nanti, adelah jodoh tu datang". humph.

bukannya mempersoalkan kebergantungan kita kepada Allah, sama sekali bukan.

the point is, memang azalinya Allah yang beri segalanya, that's the truest truth. tapi, macamana Allah nak bagi, kalau diri itu tak pernah berusaha meminta? (that's the least you can do!) doa. doa, semoga apa yang dihajati itu, bawa kebaikan. doa, semoga apa yang dihindari, menjauhkan diri dari keburukan.

come on people, put some effort in everything we do. Allah pandang usaha, hasilnya tu memang dah ditentukan pun.

rasa macam post ini ditujukan khas untuk diri sendiri. sebab usaha entah ke mana, hasilnya tu yang sentiasa bermain di minda. :(

True story.

the first impression.

the first impression really matters, you know.

and i just learned that during your first week at school, segala tindak tanduk anda sebagai seorang guru baru akan menjadi perhatian, tatapan umum. confirm, muktamad, sungguh tak tipu.

and it happened to me that people will start judging you from head to toe, dari sekecil kecil nano kuman sampai sebesar besar paus paling besar; everything related to you, seriously.

an interesting conversation dengan seorang cikgu senior.
guru - guru pelatih : cikgu, we actually want to observe you, the way you manage the classroom.
guru senior : what? you want to observe me? *gelak kecil* you want to observe me for what?

habis, nak guna word ape lagi lah selain dari 'observe'? -_____-"

seriously, nanti bila dah jadi cikgu senior, i don't wanna be this kind of teacher who actually kinda demotivates new teachers in a way that makes us think we are no better than them. you are teachers, they are teachers, we are teachers. aren't we the same? what's the matter with "you all ada degree, you all belajar oversea" and so forth? like seriously, TEACHERS?

i don't really have problems with this. it's just something to ponder, and i keep thinking about this all the way back from school;

"Kalau betul la this is what gonna happen to me bila dah start posting... uhhh, i can't even imagine it. Teachers should do what they do best; inspire people. Rather than giving those negative first impressions about the profession, apa salahnya kalau kita saling tolong menolong? Yang lebih berpengalaman, share dan beri tunjuk ajar kepada yang baru. Yang semangat fresh fresh, kongsi idea idea baru up-to-date. Kan lebih mantoppp sistem pendidikan negara?"

cikgu pelatih pun akan jadi cikgu senior nanti, cikgu senior pun pernah jadi cikgu pelatih. fair and square, so peace yaww. *log out*

p/s : nanti dah jadi cikgu pencen, sape lah nak ajar cucu cicit piut miut? cikgu pelatih jugakkk. eh. kbai cikgu pelatih nak buat research proposal, semoga cikgu pelatih ini berjaya mengharungi hidup penuh onak duri kbai.

she's driving... like a boss.

semalam was just another plain weekend for me... until i pegang stereng kereta.

well... obviously, untuk pemegang lesen kompeten for like 2 years and yet tak pernah pegang kereta since then, i have the right untuk rasa nervous serupa bawak treler 10 tayar.

it was a short session with hannah, and she taught me well. couldn't believe the moment when she asked me, "Qis, awak nak bawak kereta?" and i was like... "Seriously? Dah la bawak anak orang, kereta orang. Mati enjin tengah jalan tetiba kang, serius nak tanam kepala dalam tanah, serius."

alhamdulillah, the 5-minute session turned out well. dah boleh ingat mana satu clutch, accelerator, brake. at least, itu good sign, right? okay tak right sangat la kalau dah boleh lupa benda basic camtu, kfine.

and it was then when i realize this one thing. driving; is not just driving. you dare to take risks to get yourself moving. and what more, kena jaga the safety of others too, the passengers, other pengguna jalan raya. obey the rules, well not for some reckless drivers i guess. even nak keluar dari simpang jalan pun, you have to really consider things like, "Eh, moto ni nak masuk mane nih? Kang aku jalan, tak pasal pasal terjadinya inertia yang sangat dahsyat." you have to be prepared, secara mental fizikal intelektual dan emosi untuk memandu di jalanraya Malaysia. (eh termasuk falsafah pendidikan negara)

hidup ni umpama bawak kereta la jugak, kalau setakat eksyen kereta ferrari tapi simpan dalam rumah baik tak payah nak eksyen sangat laaa. kereta myvi jugak yang comel, dahla save minyak, macam just nice je. hidup ni pun, kena just nice je. nampak permainan dia?

semoga first step ini akan menjadi pemangkin kepada step step seterusnya. beli kereta mungkin? ehemmm mesti ayah dok batuk batuk kat rumah ni, takpe ayah, duit muka je. duit kepala, badan, tayar, minyak, itu boleh setel kemudian kemudian, no hal. :p eh, ayah dok batuk batuk lagi. okay lah ayah, nak sambung research proposal. untung untung dapat buat proposal beli kereta nanti. ehemmmm *ayah batuk batuk kat rumah* kbai

"Cobaan..." versi Qistina bujang tak lapok.

masuk minggu kedua di maktab, dia punya semangat dah lain macam. jatuh merudum macam bursa saham nasional time kegawatan ekonomi.

sebab apa?

workload final year, lain macam. lain dari year year sebelumnya. bukan takat biasa biasa boleh lipat buat origami kapai terbang, dia punya tahap wa cakap lu... otak buntu pikiaq final year research project. dengan praktikum entah mana hala nak kena campak. assignments (boleh tahan heavy gak ah subjects) tiap tiap minggu ada due dates. tak campuq jadual kelas yang tak menentu, 2 jam waktu pagi, tetiba sejam waktu petang mata-tak-larat-nak-tongkat punya time.

masuk kelas, lecturer cerita pasai masa depan seorang guru pedalaman. dalam tutorial, diskusi pasal isu kahwin. jumpa lecturer dulu dulu time foundation, monolog sendiri; "Oh em gi, that was so... last two years! 23 sudah?"

memang final year habis ah!

hari jumaat, terus lemau umpama biskut Tiger masuk angin. dicicah telan tak sedap, dikunyah rasa lembik. tambah dengan cuaca tak menentu 2 jam hujan 2 jam lagi panas, memang patut rasa seram sejuk serupa nak demam. tak kira dengan masalah kesihatan yang telah kunjung tiba sebulan yang lalu. memang... kalau cerita P. Ramlee Pendekar Bujang Lapok nih, dialog "Cobaan..." patut jadi theme of the week.


mungkin feeling dia, tak sama dengan "Cobaan..." orang lain. cumanya, benarlah ayat cinta Al-Ankabut, ayat 2, yang mana sudah terang lagi bersuluh, Allah berfirman;

"Patutkah manusia menyangka bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan dengan hanya berkata: "Kami beriman", sedang mereka tidak diuji (dengan sesuatu cobaan)?"

kata percaya dengan takdir, tapi cepat sangat nak mengeluh. kata ikhlas nak buat itu ini, tapi ungkit balik sana sini. kata nak bersangka baik selalu, tapi senang yang amat nak carik kelemahan dulu.

baru second week Qistina, come on laaa. ada lagi setahun (tolak 2 minggu) lagi nak habis study. takkan nak give up dah kot? you're almost there, all you need to do is; have faith that Allah is always there, with you. *senyum lebar lebar*

p/s : final year ni... memang ceni eh? hidup makin kurus dah ni rase, no more chubby Qistina, yang ada cuma cekeding Qistina. eh. kbai

what are words

there are millions of words (even more!), but if you can't really say the exact word and convey the meaning, you'd better use this word.

silence.


head up, wear the best smile, and just live. 'cause you're gonna be just fine in the end, no matter what.

"La Tahzan, Innallaha Ma'ana." have faith.

it's final year pepol, welcome back senior tua!

lagi beberapa hari lagi sebelum kembali ke Kuching, well i could have said i'm all excited to go there again, meet all the old and new faces, stacks of assignments (high expectations too of course!) and many more, i guess?

NOPE. bukan tak eksaited, ni nama dia... sindrom cuti lama. dia punya baloq liat nak start kelas, ya ampun... sila tarik telinga anak anak jika mereka ada sindrom seperti ini ye ibu bapa.

but yeah, life must go on. (ayat cliche) a year to go, and lepas tu, secara rasminya tanam anggur, yeay! okay tak gembira mana pun sepatutnya.

takpe, takpe. we'll see how it goes. gembira tak gembira, tu belakang kira. yang penting, sentiasa berusaha untuk jadi khalifah dan 'abid tak kira di mana jua anda berada, ingat ye anak anak. renung renungkan, dan selamat beramal!

semoga final year ini boleh buatkan diri ini busy, semoga final year ini lebih bermakna iA.

kadang kadang kita sedih bila hujan turun, sebab tak dapat pegi shopping la, tak dapat main bola la.
tapi kita tak sedar, rupa rupanya selepas hujan itu, ada pelangi yang cantik banget. yang buatkan kita terpaku, lalu berkata... "Setiap yang berlaku pasti ada hikmahnya, macam hujan dan pelangi juga."

okay ini dah merepek betul.

p/s : tersenyum kelat bila ibu usulkan, "Nanti buat kenduri abang dengan ina sekali lah. Save sikit duit." "Ibu, taknak lagila... Ina nak tunggu 25, baru fikir. Boleh?" motif? final year nih la time orang nak tanya soalan cenggini, apesal tak tanya waktu first year? semangat sikit nak menghabiskan studynye. >_<"

kbai, have a blessed weekend everyone!

mixed up.

kalau boleh pahat perkataan sabar dalam kepala otak, tanam dalam hidroponik hati, prektis mulut untuk mengucapkan syukur atas ujian yang menimpa., kan bagus.

mustahil la manusia, anda tu manusia. mana mungkin manusia boleh bersabar sebaik itu.

"Things will never get better, if you don't get better."

:(

degil anak kedua ni.

too many things i wish i could have said, but i don't.




you've been holding on for so long. sabar, sabar, sabar. if only this word semudah dikata.

"so cling to what you know, and never let go."

Ku Lim, Manyak Nostalgia ooo.

weekend weekend cenggini sememangnya hari yang pasti terisi dengan perkataan kenduri, pengantin, air sirap dengan kondensasinya, dan macam macam lagi pe'el kenduri di musim cuti sekolah.

alkisahnya, nak dijadikan cerita harini, ada 4 kenduri semuanya. satu jiran belakang lorong, satu dekat pendang, satu dekat sungai petani, dan satu lagi dekat kulim.

bila sebut pasai kulim ni, dia ada satu perasaan lain macam. perasaan syahdu lain macam, sungguh.

lalu jalan jalan biasa untuk balik ke asrama, singgah tempat tempat lepak outing dulu. nostalgia dia, lain macam.

tambah tambah pulak dulu kulim pekan kecik je, bas boleh kira berapa bijik lalu dalam 8 jam (okay, exaggerate much). bila sekali sekali datang jenguk, wah wah. pesat membangun ye bandar kulim sekarang. rasa bertuah dan bangga datang bersilih ganti. eh.

nak senang cerita; kulim ni memang nostalgia habis la! tengok Yawata pun boleh meleleh ayaq mata tau, dok pikiaq, "Dulu mai beli biskut kering ja kat sini, la ni, biskut kering pun tak pandang." eh. *garu kepala*

the moral of the story is; sila hargai masa masa yang anda ada. kerana masa itu akan berlalu pergi, dan anda akan merinduinya, sepertimana penulis merindui zaman high schoolnya. oktengsbai. *log out*

masalah oh masalah

masalah.

semua orang ada masalah, even kalau orang tu cakap, "eh hello. i takde masalah pun okay. hidup i senang lenang, takdek nak fikir macam macam. smooth je hidup, macam smoothies.", itu pun masalah. masalah tak sedor diri. ehemm.

that's not the main point here.

kalau nak dihitung masalah, dari sekecik kecik kuman, "alaaa, syampu dah habis pulak. time tengah mandi la baru nak perasan. hampeh betoi!" sampai ke sebesaq besaq alam, "duit takde nih, atleast i kena ade 88juta hinggit nak buat projek mega nih,". memang takkan pernah habis. lepas satu, satu. lepas dua, dua pulak dia mai. lepas tiga, beramai ramai dia memeriahkan suasana. masalah, masalah.

sebagai manusia normal, at times aku pernah rasa "Why oh why, why me?", "Kenapa mesti sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga, kenapa tak jatuh ditimpa permata?". itu baru sikit, lagi dasyat sampaikan boleh persoal pulak tuh. "tak adil, sebab orang lain takde pulak nak bermasalah ceni, kenapa aku je masalah berlonggok longgok never-ending punya?"

astaghfirullah hal 'azim.

cuba fikir baik baik, kenapa kita diberi masalah in the first place?

aku suka untuk pujuk diri sendiri bilamana masalah menimbun bak gunung Everest, dengan one of my favourite ayats; "Allah takkan beri sesuatu melainkan sesuai dengan kemampuan hambaNya." setuju? tipu lah kalau kita cakap, tak mampu. tak mampu apenye, kalau Pencipta sendiri bagi masalah itu sebab percaya hambaNya ini mampu. fikir logik la, Dia jugak yang bagi kekuatan, kesabaran, dan ilham nak hadapi masalah ini. so, why don't kita percaya yang diri kita boleh hadapi masalah ini?

keep in mind, that serumit mana pun masalah itu, we're not all alone. ramai lagi orang, masalah nya lagi teruk dari kita. putus kaki, rumah terbakar, kena buang kerja, and other dreadful things yang kita tak pernah imagine pun, "like seriously, masalah macam ni wujud? oh em gi, kesiannya!" so, tak reti bersyukur lagi ke, masalah seciput baru, dah menggelabah serupa hape je. *insert emoticon muka toya*

on the positive side, rather than kita dok hitung masalah bertimbun2 tu, why don't kita hitung nikmat dan blessings yang lagi lah banyak banyak banyak? be grateful, kerana dengan masalah itu lah, belajar menghargai. dengan masalah itu lah, baru kita tahu siapa Pencipta, siapa ciptaanNya. dengan masalah itu lah, baru kita ada rasa redha dan berserah diri. and even dengan masalah itu lah, baru lah kita guna akal yang dah berkarat untuk berfikir mencari solusi.

yang bercakap ini, takkan bercakap kalau bukan dia yang sedang berhadapan dengan masalah. cumanya, dia tengah kumpul kekuatan, dengan secalit senyuman, dan airmata (oh well, this cengeng woman and the adjective talks) so that dia percaya, setiap masalah pasti ada hikmahnya.

:)

p/s; superwoman to the rescue, yeyeahhh! cakap serupa bikin, boleh? :p

life is just too real, for now.

Too many things left unsaid, they are best to be kept inside.



Sebab tak siapa yang faham. The shoe size will never be the same, so don't try and say, "Hey, i've been walking in your shoes!"

No,

.. and the sweetest smile will do the rest of the cases.

:)

a 'warm' welcome from Malaysia.

alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. bersiaran langsung dari Baitul al Mubarak (well, that's my house name!) Kepala Batas, Pulau Pinang. masuk hari ni, dah hari ke-4 berada di home sweet home, iA.

it took me almost a day to reach home, dan memang banyak sangat mengajar diri untuk sabar. sabar dengan kematu duduk for 10 hours, sabar dengan proses imegresen yang entah pape, sabar dengan beg yang berat berat, sabar dengan karenah manusia yang pelbagai, dan macam macam lagi, you name it.

but alhamdulillah, sabar atau tidak sabar pun, dah berjaya lepasi semua itu, dan sekarang sudah pun berada di tanah air tercinta, tempat where real life begins. where reality matters.

so far so good, iA. wishlist yang banyak pun, dah berkurang. cumanya mungkin perlukan cendol pulut ke, sate ke, pulut derian ke, ehemmm. stop it, qistina, you just make others drooling too. hihi :p

until yesterday. i woke up at 6 something, when i realized something was not right with my neck.

"kenapa ada bonjol bonjol pelik ni?" bila dipicit, pedihnya... tak terkata.

lepas rujuk dengan ibu dan tok, we suspected few penyakits, maybe kelopak garam, or chicken pox. lepas breakfast, pegi jumpa dokter, and yeah. qistina positive chicken pox.

and here i am, kena tinggal kat rumah sorang sorang bila semua orang ada hal kat luar. wuwuw lagi dikesalkan, bilamana program yang telah dirancang, tak dapat dilaksanakan. huhu

benarlah, Allah is the best planner. tak mungkin Allah turunkan ujian ini saje saje, melainkan untuk menguji sejauh mana hamba ini bersyukur dengan nikmat kesihatan yang selama ini always, always dia take for granted. tak mungkin Allah berikan nikmat ujian ini, kalau tidak untuk melatih diri untuk redha dengan perancanganNya. benarlah, apa yang berlaku tak pernah sia sia melainkan ada hikmah dan pengajaran di sebaliknya.

makanya, qistina pun terpaksalah 'perintah berkurung' for atleast 1 week kat rumah. dia punya gatal... tak tau nak describe cane. nak garu, kang lekat parut kekal. tak garu, dia punya nafsu nak garu tu... ish. dengan lenguh lenguh badan, memang literally rasa berat tulang. what to do, just bear with it, qistina.

ibu once said, "itulah. haritu waktu sampai kat klia tak mandi, almost 24 hours tak kena ayaq, tu yang kena demam campak nih." ingin saja dibalas begini;

"ibu, kalau ina mandi ka, tak mandi ka, kalau Allah nak bagi jugak demam campak ni, mandi bunga pun dia mai jugak.", tapi monolog dalaman sajalah ye. :p

semoga ini yang terbaik, iA. have a nice day, peeps! :)

"Goodbye mate, you shall be missed."

29th of Nov, 2012.

tomorrow is the day i've been waiting for. (not so, for some reasons) well, couldn't really express the excitement of going back to your home country, back with your family and loved ones, and of course, many more things that tanah air has to offer.

to be honest, ada dua sides of me right now.

one is really looking forward to this long-awaited journey.

another side of me keeps saying, "naaah, you're gonna miss this beautiful country, like seriously. you have to come here again someday, you really have to."


but i try to put this on mind; "Life goes on. You can't really have the things you like for, let say... forever? No, sweetie. You just have to move on, 'cause you don't really know what the future holds."

i shall bid farewell to you, aotearoa. i shall miss every bits and pieces of you; the beauty, the friendly people, fernleaf cows and smelly sheep (still cute though!), lots of things, and most of all, every single thing about you. every single thing.

it's hard to believe this, but it's time for me to sing this

"i'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when i'll be back again
oh baby, i hate to go."

tempat jatuh cinta lagikan dikenang, apatah lagi tempat mengenal cintaNya. semoga Allah redha.


30th of Nov, Dunedin - Auckland (2050 -> 2235)
1st of Dec, Auckland - Kuala Lumpur (0135 -> 1225 [0725 waktu Malaysia])
1st of Dec, Kuala Lumpur - Penang (1355 -> 1445)

mohon doanya, semoga semuanya selamat! see you soon, Malaysia, see you some other time, New Zealand! :")

p/s : entri terakhir dari bumi bertuah Kiwi, Hobbit, All Blacks (ehemmm!) dan sama waktu dengannya.

fernleaf dan qistina.

been busy lately, with lots of things going on.

plus, this gonna be my last week here, in dunedin.



untuk berkata tidak seronok pulang ke tanah air, itu sangatlah mustahil. well, couldn't be bothered with the fact that i've been away for so many years - 2 years of 5000++km, how time flies!

masakan (?) hati tidak gembira, jika perantau yang selalu homesick ini akhirnya akan kembali ke pangkal jalan (Maksu, 2012).

memang patut untuk diri ini teruja untuk balik ke Malizia bertemu sepupu comel (tengok sepupu la kan!) semata mata untuk mencubit pipinya yang labuh itu. "ALIYAH, KAK INA balik nih!"

dan yang mengukirkan senyuman, semestinya wajah wajah kesayangan hamba yang acapkali bersilih ganti di minda ibarat slideshow print preview My Photos.


tapi...

hatiku pastinya tertinggal di Dunedin ini. ada satu ruang istimewa untuk tempat seperti ini, yang mana hanya akan tersimpan rapi di ruang memori daun pisang.

"Tempat jatuh lagikan dikenang, inikan pula tempat 'membesar' bersama susu lembu fresh dari ladang? Lagilah terkenang kenang iklan susu fernleaf."

'membesar', if you know what i mean. ehem.

little time, many things

it's 1.13 am now, i know i should have been sleeping. esok hari keempat praktikum, well... nothing much interesting happened. except the fact that the class teacher plays guitar, oh well. i was like, "Wow, that's really cool!" ^^,

well, quite busy with the practicum thingy. penat, serupa mengajar! padahal... observe je kot baru -____-" can you imagine, working with the kids like... from 9am til 3? not that tough, as compared to what you're going to have in malaysia. 40 kids? errr, don't ever mention it here, for now.

shipping, lots of official programmes and events on the schedule, thesis project discussion. what a hectic student life i've got here!

too little time for too many things, obviously.

"well, masa Allah dah bagi 24 jam setiap seorang, apesal orang lain boleh manage je?" pesanan ikhlas dari penaja ini dibawakan khas untuk anda oleh Incik Baharuddin Ahmad, terima kasihs.

have faith, in Him and in me

with 2 more exams coming, i know i shouldn't be here, writing post or whatsoever. (ehem!)



but the thing is, no matter what [had happened/is happening/might happen] in your life (as well as mine), always always always have this on your mind :

"Hold on, He knows what He is doing. Have faith, you're gonna be just fine. Just fine, sweetheart."

:)

she just mumbles.

minggu peperiksaan menjelang tiba.

letsegoh straight to the point.

mohon doanya, semoga dipermudah segala urusan, dari A sampai Zed. dari kosong sampai infinity. dari tak tahu, buat buat tahu. -_-

3 exams. 17hb, 23hb, dan 25hb.


tak sabarnya nak grad! tak sabarnya nak jadi cikgu! tak sabarnyaaa nak kawen! tak sabarnya nak macam-macam-lagi!

ini sindrom pra-peperiksaan, pasti tuan puan pernah mengalaminya, bukan? sila kawal diri anda.

satu insiden skype yang saya kira wajar dikongsi bersama untuk dijadikan iktibar.
Q : maksu, awat aliyah gemuk sangat nih? gemuknya eee gerammm! nak tarik pipi diaaa! *makan budok!*
maksu : hang gemuk! gemuk!
moral of the story; jangan dok mengata anak orang sangat... kelak merana diri speechless bila di-katai kembali. -_-

okbai, wassalam. oh. jangan lupa, doa!

eiein, ina rindu hang. :(

life

life is, so far... so good. alhamdulillah.

after all that i've been through.




:)

semoga ini yang terbaik. semoga ini yang terbaik. semoga ini yang terbaik. ameen.

teruskan bersabar, kerana sabar itu ubat untuk segala galanya. sabar itu susah, sabar itu parah, sabar itu resah.

tapi perlunya kesabaran itu, supaya hati yang susah itu percaya. supaya hati yang parah itu percaya. supaya hati yang resah itu percaya.

percaya pada janji.

bahawa Allah hanya memberikan apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya. dan kita sedang berusaha ke arah terbaik tu, kan? :')

"Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting."

semoga dipermudahkan urusan semua, inshaAllah!

oktober, like seriously?

ya, sila tarik tampar cubit pipi sendiri untuk bangun dari mimpi khayalan dunia anda sendiri, qistina.

cakap time flies, bila time flies betul betul, taknak percaya pulak. manusia betul. heh

whatever it is, life must go on. tak kira la, suka ke, tak nak ke, terpaksa ke, you have to face it. sila pastikan anda berada di dunia realiti.

not much time left. akhir november, inshaAllah will be back for good! sapa nak pesan souvenir, take note please! limited tau, sebab eksklusif sangat :p

plan nya, jan 2013, sambung kat maktab, praktikum semua, sampai habis tahun. 2014, start posting, semoga ditempatkan di sekolah berdekatan, inshaAllah. cepat amin kan, cepat!

tapi ye la. planning bagai nak rak manusia ni, dia tak tahu planning Allah lagi terbaik. due date kita pun tak tau bila, boleh jadi esok. boleh jadi harini. boleh jadi sesaat selepas ni. who knows?

oktober bagi saya, bulan exams. takde dah exam di hari keputerian or whatsoever. ^___^" okay nak cakap tu je. sila digest hint saya ini, terimakasihs. doakan semuanya selamat! korang korang pun, inshaAllah, semoga selamat selamat semuanya! peace, yaww.

jom, menari dalam hujan jom!

sabar

i keep repeating this, i know.

it's just, that feeling... you can't really describe it, just that feeling you wanna be home so bad that it makes you can't really think of other things, just HOME.



it's getting worse than ever. you just don't know.

sabar. sabar. sabar. kalau perkataan sabar ini boleh diulang seberapa banyak kali lalu melekat di kepala, alangkah bagusnya. if that's the case, apalah gunanya Dia timpakan ujian sebegini rupa kepada hambaNya?

"sebab Allah sayang lah, Dia bagi rasa ini. supaya boleh prektis perkataan sabar tu, sayang. supaya boleh belajar bersabar dengan kesabaran yang baik. (70:5)"

habis, kena sabar jugaklah eh bila tengok orang post gambar kawen?



sila habiskan 7 assignments, 3 exams, 1 semester penuh kelas pakej kuliah, 3 bulan praktikum, dah start kerja, baru kita kupas isu nih ye. selamat belajar, kawan kawan! semoga selamat semuanya! *heart*

DUA BULAN LAGI, DUA BULAN LAGI. WE'RE GONNA MEET UP SOON INSHAALLAH, CHARKUEYTEAW. *big grins*

words

"Allah sering menjatuhkan 'syiling' kepada kita. Kita pula asyik dan leka mengutip 'syiling' itu hingga terlupa 'mendongak' ke atas..

Lalu, Allah jatuhkan pula 'batu' menimpa kita. Setelah kita merasa sakit, baru kita hendak 'mendongak' ke atas mencari siapa yang membaling batu tersebut.."

rasa macam "adeideii, kenapa mata masuk habuk tetiba nih?"

mungkin cerita saya, totally different dengan cerita awak. mungkin tak se-complicated cerita dia. mungkin tak indah seperti those fairytales, "..and they lived happily ever after."

mungkin bukan sekarang. tapi ingatlah duhai hati, have faith. just, have faith that everything will be all right. you know that, don't you? cakap, nak jadi super(wo)man. super(wo)man ape cengeng camni nihhh? tak super ahhh :p

untuk saya, awak, kita, dan semua, semoga terus kuat tau!

"La Tahzan, Innallaha Ma'ana. Jangan bersedih, Allah bersama kita."

senyum lah sikit... jual mahal betul. :p

dulu.

dulu cakap nak jadi kuat, macam superwoman. apecer ni qistina?

dulu cakap taknak cengeng, nak keraskan hati. apecer ni qistina?

dulu cakap semangat semangat, semua orang nampak hepi. apecer ni qistina?

dulu cakap nak sabar sesabar sabarnya. apecer ni qistina?

dulu cakap nak happy go lucky. apecer ni qistina?

dulu cakap nak berdikari. apecer ni qistina?

dulu cakap nak jadi qistina yang paling cool. apecer ni qistina?



dulu cakap nak jadi macam macam. apecer sekarang ni qistina? apecer?

rasa macam nak duduk tepi pantai sorang sorang muhasabah diri. just for once, i don't think i can hold on anymore, no.

can't wait..

untuk turn saya! tapi... turn saya lambat lagi. atau, mungkin tak sempat pun turn saya.....

a short update, i guess.

a lot of things going on, here and now. but keep this in mind, everything happens for reasons. have faith, that everything is going to be.. just fine.

He's the best planner after all.

:)

can't wait to meet you soon, lil cuzzie! :DD

warkah berisi shortbread

few days left before we end this holy month of Ramadhan, and few days left for Syawal.

mixed feelings, as always. but the thing is, you've gotta chin up, smile, and show to the world, "hey, i'm all good, this is just a part of life. i'm gonna be stronger, than ever."

:")

there's no other way, rather than accept the fact that being far from home is not that bad. it teaches you to be grateful for what you have, in my case, familia de amor. dok jauh jauh ni baru nak belajar rindu. kalau tak... tak boleh dok dekat langsung! ada je nak cari pasal haha

what more, you'll get to experience lotsa new things, they are totally different back in Malaysia! :) mana nak dapat berbuka dengan mak arab. terawih, surah panjang lagi merdu bacaannya. bila lagi nak beRamadhan dan beraya dengan kengkawan ye dok? and... untuk pertama kalinya, syawal disambut dengan timbunan kerja sekolah yang perlu dihantar minggu depan! hmmm

takdela tak rindu malaysia langsung. mustahil, itu memang mustahil. just for this one last year je, that's it. untuk tahun tahun akan datang, tak kira, nak balik raya rumah jugak! cuti takde ke, tiket habis ke, kalau boleh setiap mid sem holidays nak balik! :DD

eh. eksaited pasal nak balik tetiba. puasa tak habis lagi kak oi. Ramadhan dulu, kena sprint untuk dua hari terakhir ni. dah ke mana hilang semangat Ramadhan entah. ish

konklusi nya; ramadhan dan syawal memang eloknya bergandingan. ramadhan dan assignments? definitely no. syawal dan assignments? hmmmm..... ingat qistina... senyum. senyum. senyum. :) semoga ini yang terbaik, inshaAllah!

boleh kot nak wish sekali kat sini. selamat menggunakan baki Ramadhan ni seoptimum mungkin, kerana boleh jadi takde lagi Ramadhan untuk kita. selamat menyambut Syawal bulan kemenangan, jangan menangkan hawa nafsu pulak ye :D maaf kalau ada salah silap, terkasar bahasa, mohon doakan yang terbaik untuk perantau ini menghabiskan 3 bulan terakhir di bumi asing ni. :")

p/s
nak request satu benda boleh? tolong makan kan shortbread untuk si perantau ini, terima kasih.

more than ever.

sehabis boleh mahu dibendung, tapi tak dapat. sedaya upaya cuba menguntum senyum, tapi hampa di akhirnya. sebisa mungkin disibukkan dengan macam macam, cuma fikiran masih melayang jauh.

perasaan itu masih ada. perasaan rindu.

mungkin bagi mereka, apalah sangat rindu yang sejemput itu. mungkin mereka tak tahu, rindu itu makin menggunung hari demi hari.

mungkin bagi mereka, apalah sangat ingatan yang sekali sekala itu. mungkin mereka tak tahu, ingatan itulah yang memenuhi kotak fikiran setiap masa.

mungkin bagi mereka, apalah sangat ertinya jarak yang memisah. mungkin mereka tak tahu, di sebalik jarak itulah adanya satu ikatan paling erat. yang tak mungkin mereka faham, jika mereka belum pernah memakai kasut ini.



rindu. sangat. sangat.

workload, homesick, dan.. saya.

lama menyepi di dunia blogging, rasanya semua dapat meng-agak kesibukan yang melanda. hmphh.

jujurnya, saya pernah mengeluarkan satu hipotesis yang mungkin ada kaitan dan benefits kepada alam sejagat, manusia seantero dunia, iaitu...

"Assignments decrease the probability to get homesick." (Qistina, 2012)

..and it fails, as expected. T-T

the more assignments you have, lagi tinggi tendency untuk wabak homesick ini menyerang. like. seriously.

plus, "in my dreams i always see you soar above the sky...". Ayah. just so you know, lately ni selalu teringat kat ayah. not to say tak teringat kat ibu, but the thing is... entah. this is sooooo... random, qistina.



agaknya, sampai ke tua bercucu cicit pun perangai dok lagu ni lagi. cuba kuatkan hati, bulatkan tekad, tanam semangat untuk berkerja dengan lebih gigih lalu berjaya menghabiskan satu semester terakhir di bumi asing ini. cuba, boleh tak, cuba?

p/s just so you know, next year akan ber-Ramadhan dan beraya di samping famili tersayang, inshaAllah! teruja even belum tentu masih bernafas atau tidak ketika itu. cuma merindukan momen momen itu sekarang. perkara normal untuk seorang perantau.

mohon doa semua, supaya lebih kuat seiring usia yang semakin bertambah. "apakah yang dikejar dalam hidupmu? berkali ku kata padamu." eh tetiba.

how time flies.

to begin with, mari kita tengok kalendar hari ini.

15 Julai 2012, bersamaan 25 Syaaban 1433 H. how time flies! like seriously, don't you think so? *muka berkerut*


rasa macam baru semalam post entri pasal seorang budak homesick tak dapat balik raya. rasa macam baru kelmarin cerita pasal dilema seorang penganggur dua bulan dan kfc.
rasa macam... rasa macam... masa mencemburui kita lah. eceh.


sedar tak sedar, in less than a week, kita akan bertemu bulan terbaik antara bulan bulan. feelings dia, lain macam. antara berdebar serupa nak dapat anak sulung, atau sedih sayu mengenangkan desa permai. you choose, ahemmm.

tapi sesungguhnya, perasaan ini sangat spesial. sebabnya, untuk berada di bulan Ramadhan itu sendiri, satu nikmat yang tak semua orang dapat. possible je, lepas aku post entri ni, tetiba terjatuh kerusi lalu menghembuskan nafas terakhir. possible je, tengah tengah korang baca entri ni, tetiba pandangan kelam lalu menutup mata selamanya. semua itu, possible je. betul?

nak katanya Allah itu Maha Penyayang, sampaikan dalam satu hari itu, cuma 5 kali je darab dengan 5 minit, Dia mintak buat appointment, lalu diberikan nikmat sebanyak banyaknya atas dunia nih. tak ke beruntung kalau kita jadi antara orang yang bersyukur? :)

kalau nak dikira masa pulak... tak terkira! hihi sedar tak sedar, dah 4 tahun dalam arena pendidikan. (okay blame the cikgu-ness bahasa baku!) 4 tahun tu, prosesnya bukan lah pejam celik pejam celik. bukan. banyak perkara telah dilalui, baik suka atau duka. just that, how you see those things have built you up to be a better person, inshaAllah :DD lessons are there to be learnt, life for sure has taught you something too, kannn? hehe

and surprisingly, lately ni memang banyak surprises betul. takde khabar, sekali stalk wall penuh dengan ucapan, "eh tahniah! mabruk!". kalau dulu gambar seorang, kali ini DP dah berdua. nak katanya, aku personally rasa salute untuk yang dah bersedia ke arah itu. alhamdulillah, semoga jodoh kekal sampai ke syurga! <3 how time flies! 22 tahun and dah ada yang buat masjid! by the way, lepas ni kena expect the unexpected! if-you-know-what-i-mean :p

and what more... lagi plus minus 5 bulan untuk berada di bumi indah enzi ini! mixed feelings, itu pasti. perasaan homesick bercampur baur dengan feeling feeling syahdu untuk berangkat pergi. sebabnya, untuk berada dalam zon sekarang, sangat berbeza dengan zon di malizia. itulah medan 'perang' yang sebenar-benarnya. (^-^")

now you know, how time flies! kannn?

p/s: teringat lagu Raihan. "ingat 5 perkara, sebelum 5 perkara." lekaih nyanyi cepat bagi ingat!

meet this one person.

he's the reason why i am here now.

no he, no me. easy peasy? faham dok kawe ni?

let's be straighforward don't belok belok. he's my dad, he defines the real man for me.


for whatever it takes to make me happy, he's the reason behind it.
for whichever decisions he made for his little princess, he really goes for the best option.
for wherever places i go, he will always, always say these two precious words; "take care!"
for the fact that he knows this girl is a cry-baby, he never wipes the tears just to make me stronger in person.
for being the best breadwinner, he tries his best to fulfill the unnecessary, luxurious wishes of mine.

for everything that you've done to me, Ayah, no word shall describe the greatest things you have done to this always-take-you-for-granted daughter, except this little thought for you.

"thank you Allah for this incredibly awesome, the best dad that anyone can have."

sape tak syahdu bilamana di atas flight Penang-Kuching untuk kali pertama, disogokkan dengan satu wang kertas $5 enzi, diatasnya dititipkan perkataan perkataan ini :
"To spend at your next destination! So, work hard and may Allah be with you. Tandatangan. 11/7/08."

lagi meruntun hati bilamana anak itu baru tiba di bumi asing, lalu didapatinya ada terselit di celah beg al-mathurat dan surah surah pilihan di luar pengetahuannya.

mana taknya anak ini menjadi cry-baby, kalau dah sweet macam ni. T_______T

ps; untuk lebih feeling, bolehlah layari laman Youtube, sila type "Saat Lafaz Sakinah" dan rasai sendiri pengalaman tidak mahu berpisah dengan ayahku, waliku. sobs sobs sobs

note to self; regardless the flaws he may have (well, dia juga manusia biasa), bear in mind, he is the best dad sent to you. :')




Nabi bersabda maksudnya: “Apabila mati seseorang insan, maka akan terputuslah segala amalannya kecuali tiga perkara, iaitu sedekah jariah, ilmu yang dimanfaatkan daripadanya dan doa anak soleh yang sentiasa mendoakannya.”(Diriwayatkan oleh Abu Hurairah)

di bumi asing

g'day mate!

Xp

currently updating from bumi kangaroo, sydney. tapi kejap je ni update pun, ni pun pakai internet orang, mana nak dapat lama lama ye dok?

harini dah masuk hari ke4 kat sini. so far so good, tapi main point nak cakap kat sini; sydney ni serius macam key yell. serius.

everything about the city, traffic, buildings yang mengcakar langit (kot?), memang the first impression bila masuk sydney; ini bukan jiwa aku.

and one more thing yang sangat menarik tentang sydney is, tendency untuk berjumpa asians and other than omputehs sangat tinggi kalau nak dibandingkan di tempat tempat yang pernah aku pegi. (macam banyak je tempat ko penah pegi ye qistina =_=")

tapi nak cakapnya, amazingnya bila fikir fikir balik, "menariknya, jumpa ramai orang dari different background, dan tinggal dalam satu city yang sangat key yell la kan" (sila pronounce sebetulnya ehem). lagi menarik, bila setiap kali keluar jenjalan, tengah nak syok sendiri tangkap gambar ala ala tourists, then komfem akan bertembung dengan 2-3 orang Melayu, lepastu sengih sengih macam kerang busuk sebab malu lagi segan. err. korang tak rasa macam, "wow, takkan Melayu hilang di dunia la macam tu." eh tetiba pulak kan.

dalam warkah cinta Surah Ar-Ruum, Ayat 22; "Dan di antara tanda-tanda yang membuktikan kekuasaanNya dan kebijaksanaanNya ialah kejadian langit dan bumi, dan perbezaan bahasa kamu dan warna kulit kamu. Sesungguhnya yang demikian itu mengandungi keterangan-keterangan bagi orang-orang yang berpengetahuan."

sudah jelas lagi bersuluh, setiap apa yang Dia cipta, mesti ada sebab, hikmahnya. :) oleh itu, marilah kita bertebaran di atas muka bumi ini supaya anda bisa merasai sendiri pengalaman sebagai seorang pelancong, musafir, dan hamba yang kerdil cuma. :D tapi ongkos untuk jalan jalan, bisa ditanggung sendiri ya? :p

oh, by the way, tajuk album foto kat fesbuk nanti, the winter escape. :p haha sempat pulak promote. hmmm

"metropolitan sangattt tau."