these few days, i have experienced severe headache and chestpain.
kepala berdenyut kemain. sakitnya.. tak boleh nak describe. eyes get blurry, mata cam berpinar-pinar for no apparent reason. and it happen only to the left side of the kepala.
chestpain? sometimes getting worse, sometimes getting better. depends. but still, it hurts so much just at that same point, the right side of the chest.
i wonder why. to go for check-ups is definitely a no. 'cause i've been doing good so far, and the symptoms are just not clear.
Monday, December 16, 2013
how two different person, matters.
Alhamdulillah, just got back from kuching. Family vacation i would say, even terpaksa pegi lambat due to the interview date yang clash dengan tarikh keramat itu. Tak keramat sangat ahhh kalau hari interview tu dah gelabah semacam, hek eleh. Boleh pulak buat malu depan pegawai, pegi silap bawak fail sape suruh -_-'
But this post is not about interview.
This post, is about how two different person, matters. Ecewah, kelas kau tajuk, haha
The last day was the most hectic. Separuh hari pegi serikin, shopping, walked for about 3kms, pegi balik pegi balik. Then rush back untuk packing. At 3 kena keluar dah dari accom, pukul 4 kena hantar kereta. And flight delay sampai pukul 8. and we were like.. delay? hmmm
Takpela. Pegi je airport, we decided to bag-drop, so that tak payah usung beg merata. There were 2 families; my family and Mak Ngah's family. We went to 2 different counters, and all went well so far. Sampai la at this one time, this female officer cakap dekat my family, "Oh, family cik tak dapat check-in lagi nih, this is too early, flight cik delay."
And i turned to the other family, they were doing their check-ins!
So i straightaway told her, "But that family boleh je? Diorang pun pegi penang jugak. What's the difference? Why we can't drop the bags yet?"
She replied, "Oh, sebab tu counter lain cik. Saya taknak susah susah."
And i was like... speechless to hear such reply!
Untuk mengelakkan sebarang kejadian yang tak dihingini, i decided maybe we should just pegi dekat this one corner, unpack the things (sebab exceed jugak waktu timbang) and just.. calm down.
A few minutes later, family Makngah pun datang. They asked, why can't we go check-ins yet? After explaining the situation in the most 'polite' way i can think of, they suggested for us to go to the counter yang diorang pegi.
Dan layanan this officer sangat tiptop!
Kitorang siap unpack depan counter, tanya macam macam pasal flight, and he even explained about claiming insurance untuk flight delay!
I can't help but to stress the 'so much' when i thanked him. "Thank you SO MUCH, SO MUCH!" for the differences that you've brought, officer. Hensem, boleh tahan ahhh. But the thing that you did, it was beyond awesome. Kalau semua orang dalam dunia boleh berkerja tiptop ceni, aman damai sejahtera sentiasa. Takdenye orang nak kata, "Eh, syarikat penerbangan A tu kerek ahhh! Service ntahpape! Dahla selalu delay, harap je the best low-cost airline, ever! Eh sape makan cili terasa pedas, uhuk uhuk"
Now, let's put this case to how we see Islam. Bayangkan, these two officers, dalam syarikat penerbangan yang bernama Islam airlines. The way they portray their own self sebagai the airlines' ambassador, how they interact with other people, etc. Can you see how two different person, matters?
I have seen those, and I realize, how small things like this can affect the big things, really. Fikir fikirkan, dan selamat beramal!
But this post is not about interview.
This post, is about how two different person, matters. Ecewah, kelas kau tajuk, haha
The last day was the most hectic. Separuh hari pegi serikin, shopping, walked for about 3kms, pegi balik pegi balik. Then rush back untuk packing. At 3 kena keluar dah dari accom, pukul 4 kena hantar kereta. And flight delay sampai pukul 8. and we were like.. delay? hmmm
Takpela. Pegi je airport, we decided to bag-drop, so that tak payah usung beg merata. There were 2 families; my family and Mak Ngah's family. We went to 2 different counters, and all went well so far. Sampai la at this one time, this female officer cakap dekat my family, "Oh, family cik tak dapat check-in lagi nih, this is too early, flight cik delay."
And i turned to the other family, they were doing their check-ins!
So i straightaway told her, "But that family boleh je? Diorang pun pegi penang jugak. What's the difference? Why we can't drop the bags yet?"
She replied, "Oh, sebab tu counter lain cik. Saya taknak susah susah."
And i was like... speechless to hear such reply!
Untuk mengelakkan sebarang kejadian yang tak dihingini, i decided maybe we should just pegi dekat this one corner, unpack the things (sebab exceed jugak waktu timbang) and just.. calm down.
A few minutes later, family Makngah pun datang. They asked, why can't we go check-ins yet? After explaining the situation in the most 'polite' way i can think of, they suggested for us to go to the counter yang diorang pegi.
Dan layanan this officer sangat tiptop!
Kitorang siap unpack depan counter, tanya macam macam pasal flight, and he even explained about claiming insurance untuk flight delay!
I can't help but to stress the 'so much' when i thanked him. "Thank you SO MUCH, SO MUCH!" for the differences that you've brought, officer. Hensem, boleh tahan ahhh. But the thing that you did, it was beyond awesome. Kalau semua orang dalam dunia boleh berkerja tiptop ceni, aman damai sejahtera sentiasa. Takdenye orang nak kata, "Eh, syarikat penerbangan A tu kerek ahhh! Service ntahpape! Dahla selalu delay, harap je the best low-cost airline, ever! Eh sape makan cili terasa pedas, uhuk uhuk"
Now, let's put this case to how we see Islam. Bayangkan, these two officers, dalam syarikat penerbangan yang bernama Islam airlines. The way they portray their own self sebagai the airlines' ambassador, how they interact with other people, etc. Can you see how two different person, matters?
I have seen those, and I realize, how small things like this can affect the big things, really. Fikir fikirkan, dan selamat beramal!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
more happy thoughts coming in :)
maybe it's time.
to move on :)
too much emotions, too much feelings in this space lately. it's not that i can't really get over all the problems. no.
the thing is, i'm the one who choose to think, and think and think, again and again.
overthinking orang tua tua cakap.
so, here's one of options i can think of; a new blog where nobody can find me :p
well, obviously i'm not that kind of person who really tells the whole world everything - the problems, etc. it's just, i feel there's a need for me to write it somewhere, to let go the negative thoughts and feelings.
i do believe, Allah is the best listener, yes, He is :) after all, He stays with me throughout the times - be it waktu susah or senang, He is always there. and thank you for this greatest blessing; for a great reminder that nobody's gonna stay forever, but just You. :)
so, here's to the old, cool blog -
you rocks! i know you always will, sebab ada tuan ceni kan :p i won't forget you, you keep me laughing so hard when i read the older posts, again and again! i never know i was that so-immature-young-teenager-yang-baru-nak-up, sort of :p well, kudos for the great job, not that i won't visit you anymore, definitely no :) maybe i'll still update here, from time to time, we'll see how it goes :p
p/s : let's just keep the happy, exciting updates coming up here, shall we? :) another blog, mungkin for another purpose. heh :p
senyum besaq besaq everyone, you need it so badly! (especially untuk orang orang monday blues hihihi)
to move on :)
too much emotions, too much feelings in this space lately. it's not that i can't really get over all the problems. no.
the thing is, i'm the one who choose to think, and think and think, again and again.
overthinking orang tua tua cakap.
so, here's one of options i can think of; a new blog where nobody can find me :p
well, obviously i'm not that kind of person who really tells the whole world everything - the problems, etc. it's just, i feel there's a need for me to write it somewhere, to let go the negative thoughts and feelings.
i do believe, Allah is the best listener, yes, He is :) after all, He stays with me throughout the times - be it waktu susah or senang, He is always there. and thank you for this greatest blessing; for a great reminder that nobody's gonna stay forever, but just You. :)
so, here's to the old, cool blog -
you rocks! i know you always will, sebab ada tuan ceni kan :p i won't forget you, you keep me laughing so hard when i read the older posts, again and again! i never know i was that so-immature-young-teenager-yang-baru-nak-up, sort of :p well, kudos for the great job, not that i won't visit you anymore, definitely no :) maybe i'll still update here, from time to time, we'll see how it goes :p
p/s : let's just keep the happy, exciting updates coming up here, shall we? :) another blog, mungkin for another purpose. heh :p
senyum besaq besaq everyone, you need it so badly! (especially untuk orang orang monday blues hihihi)
Saturday, December 7, 2013
sabar, selagi boleh.
people may look at us in different ways, sometimes mungkin the way we never expect them to see.
bila ditanya first impression, most of them may say something that is totally out of your mind.
in my case, yes.
doakan. sebab ada masanya, mungkin orang nampak kita happy, kita senyum.
walhal dalam hati, toksah nak kata.
kerana aku juga punya hati.
the worst is, rasa nak give up tu sama banyak dengan rasa nak fight balik. cuma masih fikir hormat dan sayang. cuma masih ada rasa percaya dengan Tuhan. cuma..
cuma mampu cengeng dan terus cengeng. dua puluh tiga dan masih?
ya, dua puluh tiga dan masih cengeng. maaf, buang masa baca.
bila ditanya first impression, most of them may say something that is totally out of your mind.
in my case, yes.
doakan. sebab ada masanya, mungkin orang nampak kita happy, kita senyum.
walhal dalam hati, toksah nak kata.
kerana aku juga punya hati.
the worst is, rasa nak give up tu sama banyak dengan rasa nak fight balik. cuma masih fikir hormat dan sayang. cuma masih ada rasa percaya dengan Tuhan. cuma..
cuma mampu cengeng dan terus cengeng. dua puluh tiga dan masih?
ya, dua puluh tiga dan masih cengeng. maaf, buang masa baca.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
what a day
today.. i just can't describe what i've gone through, today.
a lot.
my day started early today, i went to see the doctor. lepas subuh gerak pegi jetty ayah hantar, dari jetty naik ferry dengan ibu, sampai terus berkejaran mencari bas paling awal untuk ke hospital. kenapa? kerana pasti ramai manusia di hospital kalau lambat tiba. to cut the story short, yes, it went well, smooth, mesra cekap dan betul. mata bengkak after kena titis ubat, dan sepanjang perjalanan pulang (naik bas, naik feri), my vision was blurred. like sangat blurred.
which cause.. headache.
then.. waktu atas feri, got the highlighted news of all; interview dates are out! and me being nervous and couldnt go online, so i asked my other friend to check for me. and it happened to be just right, as what i've expected.
my turn would be on 12th! this coming 12th, which clash dengan tarikh vacation 3 famili ke kuching sarawak dengan tourist guidenya... me.
with all the unsettled things; bookings, places to visit, dengan study untuk interview ke bulan tak sampai sampai pun ilham, headache bertambah teruk. everything's in a great mess. and all i could think of was; why me?
:(
along the way, i couldn't stop but to think. tears, tak payah cakap. i really, really tried my best, untuk tidak merungut. but i failed.
it was then when ibu tiba tiba bersuara.
"Allah takkan uji kalau Dia tak sayang."
automatik, empangan pecah serta merta. (tapi cover dengan shades la yang pasti, less obvious kan)
the rest of the case, let me keep it to myself. just to let you know, kadang kadang kita lupa, kita ni hamba je. dan Allah ada perancangan paling baik untuk mengingatkan kita, siapa hamba siapa Tuan.
"Ujian tu, nak uji kita ada iman atau tak. As simple as that."
a lot.
my day started early today, i went to see the doctor. lepas subuh gerak pegi jetty ayah hantar, dari jetty naik ferry dengan ibu, sampai terus berkejaran mencari bas paling awal untuk ke hospital. kenapa? kerana pasti ramai manusia di hospital kalau lambat tiba. to cut the story short, yes, it went well, smooth, mesra cekap dan betul. mata bengkak after kena titis ubat, dan sepanjang perjalanan pulang (naik bas, naik feri), my vision was blurred. like sangat blurred.
which cause.. headache.
then.. waktu atas feri, got the highlighted news of all; interview dates are out! and me being nervous and couldnt go online, so i asked my other friend to check for me. and it happened to be just right, as what i've expected.
my turn would be on 12th! this coming 12th, which clash dengan tarikh vacation 3 famili ke kuching sarawak dengan tourist guidenya... me.
with all the unsettled things; bookings, places to visit, dengan study untuk interview ke bulan tak sampai sampai pun ilham, headache bertambah teruk. everything's in a great mess. and all i could think of was; why me?
:(
along the way, i couldn't stop but to think. tears, tak payah cakap. i really, really tried my best, untuk tidak merungut. but i failed.
it was then when ibu tiba tiba bersuara.
"Allah takkan uji kalau Dia tak sayang."
automatik, empangan pecah serta merta. (tapi cover dengan shades la yang pasti, less obvious kan)
the rest of the case, let me keep it to myself. just to let you know, kadang kadang kita lupa, kita ni hamba je. dan Allah ada perancangan paling baik untuk mengingatkan kita, siapa hamba siapa Tuan.
"Ujian tu, nak uji kita ada iman atau tak. As simple as that."
Thursday, November 28, 2013
a few words just before i leave
i shouldnt be here at the moment, it's almost ten and having the chestpain, i should have gone to bed.
just few words, who knows, this could be the last words.
thank you, and sorry.
for all the things ive done wrong,
for the things i couldnt make it,
for the broken promise/s,
for the useless advice i gave to you,
for the time spent listening to me chatting,
for the headache/s i've given you in dealing with problems,
for almost, every thing, every single thing.
thank you, and again, sorry.
to everyone.
just few words, who knows, this could be the last words.
thank you, and sorry.
for all the things ive done wrong,
for the things i couldnt make it,
for the broken promise/s,
for the useless advice i gave to you,
for the time spent listening to me chatting,
for the headache/s i've given you in dealing with problems,
for almost, every thing, every single thing.
thank you, and again, sorry.
to everyone.
Monday, November 25, 2013
lost
exactly a week sebagai penganggur, i could say my life is boring. as ever.
seminggu tak sentuh langsung laptop, online through phone, do housechores, keluar teman ibu untuk lawatan lawatan sosial beliau, pegi kenduri, just.. name it. and i still feel the emptiness inside me.
lama lama ceni boleh mengundang bahaya. bukan apa, takut takut nanti makin tak ketahuan bila dapat keroje, dengan dah berakaq kat ghumah, dia mula mai perasaan nak duduk bawah ketiak ibu ja. -_-'
lagi haru, bila jumpa orang dah start tanya, "La ni dok buat apa?"
=.='
kadang kadang, penat pikiaq ja. thoughts are everywhere, even dalam bilik ayaq pun boleh dok pikiaq masalah dunia. bila dah getting overwhelmed dengan thoughts tu yang jadi payah. benda tak jadi lagi dah risau macam macam. masalah hat boleh pikiaq esok, dok gaduh pening kepala harini. haru sungguh jadi orang besaq.
to be honest, i'm that kind of person who really needs a booster / boosters to get started on anything. for now, i could feel the low self-motivation in me; i am less productive, i tend to overthink too much, i always overlook the strength within me, cepat rasa penat and feverish, i just need a booster or more.
i am lost in my own thoughts. please find me, thank you.
seminggu tak sentuh langsung laptop, online through phone, do housechores, keluar teman ibu untuk lawatan lawatan sosial beliau, pegi kenduri, just.. name it. and i still feel the emptiness inside me.
lama lama ceni boleh mengundang bahaya. bukan apa, takut takut nanti makin tak ketahuan bila dapat keroje, dengan dah berakaq kat ghumah, dia mula mai perasaan nak duduk bawah ketiak ibu ja. -_-'
lagi haru, bila jumpa orang dah start tanya, "La ni dok buat apa?"
=.='
kadang kadang, penat pikiaq ja. thoughts are everywhere, even dalam bilik ayaq pun boleh dok pikiaq masalah dunia. bila dah getting overwhelmed dengan thoughts tu yang jadi payah. benda tak jadi lagi dah risau macam macam. masalah hat boleh pikiaq esok, dok gaduh pening kepala harini. haru sungguh jadi orang besaq.
to be honest, i'm that kind of person who really needs a booster / boosters to get started on anything. for now, i could feel the low self-motivation in me; i am less productive, i tend to overthink too much, i always overlook the strength within me, cepat rasa penat and feverish, i just need a booster or more.
i am lost in my own thoughts. please find me, thank you.
Friday, November 8, 2013
hold on a little bit, dear self :(
i have been holding on for too long. too long sampai dah rasa biasa, dah get used.
but this time.. no. i can't take it anymore. even if i do, it is just pretending to be all good.
the fact that... i fail to get myself sabar with this :(
oh ya Allah, bantulah hambaMu ini bertahan, sampai minggu depan je. minggu depan je :(
the ending sepatutnya cantik, but for this... i just want to end this so badly. just, this. :'(
but this time.. no. i can't take it anymore. even if i do, it is just pretending to be all good.
the fact that... i fail to get myself sabar with this :(
oh ya Allah, bantulah hambaMu ini bertahan, sampai minggu depan je. minggu depan je :(
the ending sepatutnya cantik, but for this... i just want to end this so badly. just, this. :'(
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
an experience i will never forget.
i've been through lots of things, but these two days.. really, really something that i've never thought of.
3rd nov.
sebagai seorang pemandu (yang tak tegar sangat), i drove my friends back to their home after a short meet-up. on my way back, as i was driving very carefully (i must say!), tetiba ter-lalu di satu traffic light yang suka bikin cemas. this traffic light, ada sejarah screeching sound dengan this driver. always, always selalu brek mengejut sebab lampu oren secara mengejutnya appear. and it happened again this time, which led to an emergency brake.
and everything happened so fast that i could hear something's crashing at the back of my car. i could feel the car is moving ke depan sikit, macam spring tahu? my face went pale, i didn't really know what to say, just istighfars.
a few seconds after that, through my side mirror, i could see another car bumped into the car behind. and the impact was even worse! i could see the penutup enjin went remuk, sangat teruk, and i was like... speechless! oh maiii, what have i done this time?!? dengan duit makan tinggal rm30, and that's all i had for the rest of the week, i just couldn't think straight.
when i got to see the two drivers keluar and had a look at their cars, i tried to remain calm. "Okay, pegi setel cepat cepat, it's not your fault, you're doing it right. Lampu oren memang patut get ready to stop, you just did the right thing, Qistina."
I talked to them about what really happened, and alhamdulillah, it took just few minutes to get things settled. my car looked okay, no scratch, nothing, it looked perfectly good as ever. so, i went home, with a mixed feeling, obviously shaking throughout the driving. post-trauma i would say, i was like di awang awangan, people talked to me, but i couldn't respond appropriately as my mind still wandered thinking about the incident.
that night, i drove my friend to the masjid. and the car made sound, weird sound that was really, really disturbing. :( so we checked the condition of the car, and we found out that the back bumper termasuk dalam and sangat sangat dekat dengan tayar. could be the impact after the crash.
kepala serabut balik. i didn't mind if i've got the money, seriously.. but having zero knowledge about cars, i didn't know what to expect then. alhamdulillah, a friend of mine ada cousin yang pandai baiki kereta, so straightaway we went to him.
mungkin Allah nak permudah segalanya, it went well after that. kereta dapat dibaiki, and the cost was less than rm 50.
the trauma is still there, mungkin tak seteruk pas accident, but yes. i can still remember the feelings, and betapa terketar ketarnya the whole body right after the accident.
teringat this one quote. "In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed."
:(
3rd nov.
sebagai seorang pemandu (yang tak tegar sangat), i drove my friends back to their home after a short meet-up. on my way back, as i was driving very carefully (i must say!), tetiba ter-lalu di satu traffic light yang suka bikin cemas. this traffic light, ada sejarah screeching sound dengan this driver. always, always selalu brek mengejut sebab lampu oren secara mengejutnya appear. and it happened again this time, which led to an emergency brake.
and everything happened so fast that i could hear something's crashing at the back of my car. i could feel the car is moving ke depan sikit, macam spring tahu? my face went pale, i didn't really know what to say, just istighfars.
a few seconds after that, through my side mirror, i could see another car bumped into the car behind. and the impact was even worse! i could see the penutup enjin went remuk, sangat teruk, and i was like... speechless! oh maiii, what have i done this time?!? dengan duit makan tinggal rm30, and that's all i had for the rest of the week, i just couldn't think straight.
when i got to see the two drivers keluar and had a look at their cars, i tried to remain calm. "Okay, pegi setel cepat cepat, it's not your fault, you're doing it right. Lampu oren memang patut get ready to stop, you just did the right thing, Qistina."
I talked to them about what really happened, and alhamdulillah, it took just few minutes to get things settled. my car looked okay, no scratch, nothing, it looked perfectly good as ever. so, i went home, with a mixed feeling, obviously shaking throughout the driving. post-trauma i would say, i was like di awang awangan, people talked to me, but i couldn't respond appropriately as my mind still wandered thinking about the incident.
that night, i drove my friend to the masjid. and the car made sound, weird sound that was really, really disturbing. :( so we checked the condition of the car, and we found out that the back bumper termasuk dalam and sangat sangat dekat dengan tayar. could be the impact after the crash.
kepala serabut balik. i didn't mind if i've got the money, seriously.. but having zero knowledge about cars, i didn't know what to expect then. alhamdulillah, a friend of mine ada cousin yang pandai baiki kereta, so straightaway we went to him.
mungkin Allah nak permudah segalanya, it went well after that. kereta dapat dibaiki, and the cost was less than rm 50.
the trauma is still there, mungkin tak seteruk pas accident, but yes. i can still remember the feelings, and betapa terketar ketarnya the whole body right after the accident.
teringat this one quote. "In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed."
:(
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
bawah.
makin nak habis final year, makin pemalas.
the motivation to start writing my academic reflection, is just not there. yet.
i don't know what keeps me procrastinate. too many things in ma head, too many things to be done, yet so little time left. and i'm still here, buang masa dengan blog yang hanya menanti masa.
i'm losing ma grip.
a booster is all i need at the moment.
the motivation to start writing my academic reflection, is just not there. yet.
i don't know what keeps me procrastinate. too many things in ma head, too many things to be done, yet so little time left. and i'm still here, buang masa dengan blog yang hanya menanti masa.
i'm losing ma grip.
a booster is all i need at the moment.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
just 2 minutes.
alhamdulillah, last week marked the end of my practicum. :)
happy yet sad, indeed it was a great experience to be in school for that 3 months. how time flies!
so now, i'm left with (plus minus) one month. inshaAllah, will be back for good this coming 18th, teheee!
in the meantime, will be quite busy with lots and lots of event coming, dinner sampai dua kena attend, camping BIG wajib final year, series of meetings with the lecturers and course coordinator, well. i guess one month tu macam a blink of eye je nanti.
whatever it is, final year cuma tinggal the final month. and then i'll be free, free like a bird! eh bukan, free like a penganggur should it be :p
plus, keep the positive you everyday, qistina. why? lately nih pegi kedai je, "Terima kasih KAK, nanti datang lagi ye." tak pun, "KAK nak order ape?" mungkin dah ada kedut kedut stress kot kat muka. dah hilang seri awet (awek) muda dah :(
till then, more updates coming soon! (ecececey macam ada orang baca blog picisan ceniii, booo!)
take care pepol, all good inshaAllah :)
happy yet sad, indeed it was a great experience to be in school for that 3 months. how time flies!
so now, i'm left with (plus minus) one month. inshaAllah, will be back for good this coming 18th, teheee!
in the meantime, will be quite busy with lots and lots of event coming, dinner sampai dua kena attend, camping BIG wajib final year, series of meetings with the lecturers and course coordinator, well. i guess one month tu macam a blink of eye je nanti.
whatever it is, final year cuma tinggal the final month. and then i'll be free, free like a bird! eh bukan, free like a penganggur should it be :p
plus, keep the positive you everyday, qistina. why? lately nih pegi kedai je, "Terima kasih KAK, nanti datang lagi ye." tak pun, "KAK nak order ape?" mungkin dah ada kedut kedut stress kot kat muka. dah hilang seri awet (awek) muda dah :(
till then, more updates coming soon! (ecececey macam ada orang baca blog picisan ceniii, booo!)
take care pepol, all good inshaAllah :)
Sunday, October 6, 2013
uji.
tak tau nak cakap nak rasa apa sekarang.
rasa macam sedang diuji dengan tahap paling hebat pernah dapat seumur hidup 22 tahun ni.
pernah tak rasa, macam tak tau nak describe apa apa pun? at one point, i just want to give up life, just that. and i mean it very well now. i just.. don't care.
rasa penat sangat. dealing with emotions, dengan nak fikirnya lagi. too many things going on. and when this happens, the only thing i could think of is home. :(
tahan sikit je lagi, qistina :(
rasa macam sedang diuji dengan tahap paling hebat pernah dapat seumur hidup 22 tahun ni.
pernah tak rasa, macam tak tau nak describe apa apa pun? at one point, i just want to give up life, just that. and i mean it very well now. i just.. don't care.
rasa penat sangat. dealing with emotions, dengan nak fikirnya lagi. too many things going on. and when this happens, the only thing i could think of is home. :(
tahan sikit je lagi, qistina :(
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
budak suka senyum
i'm left with 8 days for practicum, weehu!
just a random post about this one student. this kid, i name him Kid A. seriously, selama dua bulan i've been teaching them, the only thing yang dia buat is just... sengih like seriously, sengih all day long. tak pernah tengok sehari atau satu minit dia bermuram durja, can you imagine that? mungkin masa mak dia mengandungkan dia, hormon gembira itu melimpah ruah, mungkin.
and one day, secara tak sengaja, cikgu terfikir satu approach classroom management. "The Military Approach" i would call it.
Teacher : Okay now, here, in front of you is no longer Miss Qistina. Here, is Commander Qistina. Now everyone, if I'm the Commander, who should you be? SOLDIERS, stand up, in line! One straight line! No talking, no smiles, muka kena serius! Ada ke askar senyum senyum?
Kids : TAKDE CIKGU!
Teacher : Good. Now, cikgu akan lalu depan kamu, siapa yang masih main main, cikgu panggil keluar barisan. Askar kena muka garang, siapa senyum... (the teacher's eyes caught this kid still smiling, sengih macam kerang busuk) HAAA, KAMU. Why are you still smiling? Cikgu cakap apa tadi? Askar boleh senyum ke?
Kid A : *still smiling* errr, cikgu... Errrr. Cikgu, tak boleh la cikgu...
Teacher : WHY YOU CAN'T? (masih boleh tahan gelak)
Other kids : Sebab.. Dia memang tak boleh kalau tak senyum cikgu. Dia memang ceni cikgu. Tak dapat buat apa apa.
Teacher : Okay, kamu cikgu maafkan. Cuma kamu jangan cakap, senyum nampak gigi je. Jangan ada suara, boleh?
Kid A : *masih senyum*
Agaknya cikgu kalau nak marah, tak boleh depan kamu. Nanti marah cikgu terbantut. Haha
Plus minus 2 weeks left, kids. Teacher makin sayang nak tinggal kamu wuwuw
just a random post about this one student. this kid, i name him Kid A. seriously, selama dua bulan i've been teaching them, the only thing yang dia buat is just... sengih like seriously, sengih all day long. tak pernah tengok sehari atau satu minit dia bermuram durja, can you imagine that? mungkin masa mak dia mengandungkan dia, hormon gembira itu melimpah ruah, mungkin.
and one day, secara tak sengaja, cikgu terfikir satu approach classroom management. "The Military Approach" i would call it.
Teacher : Okay now, here, in front of you is no longer Miss Qistina. Here, is Commander Qistina. Now everyone, if I'm the Commander, who should you be? SOLDIERS, stand up, in line! One straight line! No talking, no smiles, muka kena serius! Ada ke askar senyum senyum?
Kids : TAKDE CIKGU!
Teacher : Good. Now, cikgu akan lalu depan kamu, siapa yang masih main main, cikgu panggil keluar barisan. Askar kena muka garang, siapa senyum... (the teacher's eyes caught this kid still smiling, sengih macam kerang busuk) HAAA, KAMU. Why are you still smiling? Cikgu cakap apa tadi? Askar boleh senyum ke?
Kid A : *still smiling* errr, cikgu... Errrr. Cikgu, tak boleh la cikgu...
Teacher : WHY YOU CAN'T? (masih boleh tahan gelak)
Other kids : Sebab.. Dia memang tak boleh kalau tak senyum cikgu. Dia memang ceni cikgu. Tak dapat buat apa apa.
Teacher : Okay, kamu cikgu maafkan. Cuma kamu jangan cakap, senyum nampak gigi je. Jangan ada suara, boleh?
Kid A : *masih senyum*
Agaknya cikgu kalau nak marah, tak boleh depan kamu. Nanti marah cikgu terbantut. Haha
Plus minus 2 weeks left, kids. Teacher makin sayang nak tinggal kamu wuwuw
Sunday, September 29, 2013
lost focus.
They say time heals.
Naaah, I just want to get these things over. 2 minggu, 10 hari pegi sekolah, 7 lesson plans, 2 bulan kat sarawak, I just want to go back home as soon as possible. It's not because I don't like it here or what, cuma.. I don't know. It feels so wrong kadang kadang, perasaan yang.. I just want to end this, that's it.
An interesting conversation with a friend of mine,
"Aku tengah cuba nak faham hang. Waktu hang nangis, waktu hang sedih. Tapi tak dapat jugak nak faham, tak nampak reasons kenapa nak kena sedih."
"Don't try then, because it's just the feeling that I cannot describe. Just, don't."
At times like that, the best thing to offer; a sincere hug with no words, that is all.
"Allah desires that He should make light your burden, and man is created weak." (4:28)
Naaah, I just want to get these things over. 2 minggu, 10 hari pegi sekolah, 7 lesson plans, 2 bulan kat sarawak, I just want to go back home as soon as possible. It's not because I don't like it here or what, cuma.. I don't know. It feels so wrong kadang kadang, perasaan yang.. I just want to end this, that's it.
An interesting conversation with a friend of mine,
"Aku tengah cuba nak faham hang. Waktu hang nangis, waktu hang sedih. Tapi tak dapat jugak nak faham, tak nampak reasons kenapa nak kena sedih."
"Don't try then, because it's just the feeling that I cannot describe. Just, don't."
At times like that, the best thing to offer; a sincere hug with no words, that is all.
"Allah desires that He should make light your burden, and man is created weak." (4:28)
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
all good
everything looks so confusing.
who cares, anyway. not their problem.
we have something that we always take for granted. and this time..
i just don't get it.
:(
i just want to be home, peluk ibu kuat kuat, and burst into tears. now.
who cares, anyway. not their problem.
we have something that we always take for granted. and this time..
i just don't get it.
:(
i just want to be home, peluk ibu kuat kuat, and burst into tears. now.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
How the teacher really feels.
3 weeks to go for prac, and i don't really know what and how to feel at the moment.
dulu time memula prac bukan main lagi countdown hari nak habis. biasa la, manusia mana reti bersyukur. ekhem
Yesterday was the longest day i've ever had at school. Kelas mula 0830, observation dari mentor sejam, pastu sit-in (cikgu ganti untuk kelas takde cikgu) another half an hour. then, Sejam lagi, untuk cover cikgu tak dapat masuk kelas sebab nak buat coursework. So ended up, dua jam setengah non-stop in that class, sampai cikgu ni pun mati kutu nak buat hapetahhh lelama ceni haaa
Dari the real lesson belajar pasal numbers, games pasal numbers, games keluaq topik dari numbers, origami, you name it. Cikgu siap mintak kebenaran makan dalam kelas lagi huahuahua. Punya cikgu jenuh pikiaq apa laaa nak buat dengan bebudak ni.
At one point, cikgu pun decide, "Okay, it's time to break the news!"
Cikgu : Okay semua. Cikgu akan pindah sekolah lagi 3 minggu. *muka excited habis*
Murid A : Alaaa cikgu, cikgu janganlah pindah. Jangan pindah eh cikgu, jangan eh?
Cikgu : Eh, mana boleh, cikgu kena balik sekolah cikgu. Cikgu dekat sini sekejap je. Mana boleh lama lama kat sini.
Murid B : Tapi cikgu baik, kami nak cikgu ajar kami.. Sampai habis.
Cikgu : *mata berkaca kaca tapi masih cover line* Mana bolehhh, cikgu kan selalu marah marah kamu. Kamu suka ke, cikgu yang suka marah marah kamu?
Murid A : Kalau cikgu yang marah, kami sukaaaa!
Cikgu : !#$^!#^*&#!^!%#^%!*&
"Nanti kami nangis cikgu." Takpe, kita nangis sesame eh? Cikgu sayang kamu jugak, cikgu nak kamu jadi orang. Bukan beruang, bukan haiwan, bukan. Jadi orang yang berguna ye sayang cikgu.
Cikgu akan rindu kamu. :(
dulu time memula prac bukan main lagi countdown hari nak habis. biasa la, manusia mana reti bersyukur. ekhem
Yesterday was the longest day i've ever had at school. Kelas mula 0830, observation dari mentor sejam, pastu sit-in (cikgu ganti untuk kelas takde cikgu) another half an hour. then, Sejam lagi, untuk cover cikgu tak dapat masuk kelas sebab nak buat coursework. So ended up, dua jam setengah non-stop in that class, sampai cikgu ni pun mati kutu nak buat hapetahhh lelama ceni haaa
Dari the real lesson belajar pasal numbers, games pasal numbers, games keluaq topik dari numbers, origami, you name it. Cikgu siap mintak kebenaran makan dalam kelas lagi huahuahua. Punya cikgu jenuh pikiaq apa laaa nak buat dengan bebudak ni.
At one point, cikgu pun decide, "Okay, it's time to break the news!"
Cikgu : Okay semua. Cikgu akan pindah sekolah lagi 3 minggu. *muka excited habis*
Murid A : Alaaa cikgu, cikgu janganlah pindah. Jangan pindah eh cikgu, jangan eh?
Cikgu : Eh, mana boleh, cikgu kena balik sekolah cikgu. Cikgu dekat sini sekejap je. Mana boleh lama lama kat sini.
Murid B : Tapi cikgu baik, kami nak cikgu ajar kami.. Sampai habis.
Cikgu : *mata berkaca kaca tapi masih cover line* Mana bolehhh, cikgu kan selalu marah marah kamu. Kamu suka ke, cikgu yang suka marah marah kamu?
Murid A : Kalau cikgu yang marah, kami sukaaaa!
Cikgu : !#$^!#^*&#!^!%#^%!*&
"Nanti kami nangis cikgu." Takpe, kita nangis sesame eh? Cikgu sayang kamu jugak, cikgu nak kamu jadi orang. Bukan beruang, bukan haiwan, bukan. Jadi orang yang berguna ye sayang cikgu.
Cikgu akan rindu kamu. :(
Monday, September 16, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Funny moments with ze kidzzz
I didn't know that teaching these kids is really, really fun and intewesting, seriously. (I mean it!)
We were once kid, tapi these kids... are really getting on my nerves! Haha
Tak boleh nak expect apa yang diorang fikir, apa yang diorang nak tanya, apa respons diorang when we ask questions, and stuffs like that.
Just wanna share few situations when dealing with thoseee monk-kids, EKHEM haha
Situasi pertama :
Cikgu tengah berleter depan kelas sebab kelas sangat bising (classroom management cikgu memang dah kelaut and this was the last resort haha), well trying to psycho these kids dengan luahan hati seorang cikgu.
Cikgu : Kamu nak belajar ke tak ni? Kenapa kamu buat cikgu macam ni? Cikgu dah la tak sihat, sakit tekak lagi. *open her drinking bottle and drink* (Sambung berleterrrrzzzz, bla bla and more blas)
Kid A : Cikgu! *angkat tangan*
Cikgu : Haaa, dah kenapa angkat tangan? Cikgu tengah marah ni, nak tanya apa lagi? (with serious look)
Kid A : Oh tak, cikgu lupa tutup botol air, nanti lalat masuk.
Cikgu : *garu kepala* (taktau patut gelak guling guling atau sambung ceramah psiko, sebab rasa macam cikgu yang ter-psiko zzz)
Situasi kedua :
Cikgu tengah marah lagi kat depan, this time sebab Kid B misbehave dalam kelas. He was doing something else, sepatutnya dia pay attention and do MY work.
Cikgu : Kamu tak sayang cikgu keee? Kenapa kamu taknak buat keja cikgu? Kalau kamu sayang cikgu, kamu tak buat ceni. Kamu nak cikgu pindah ke? Boleh, cikgu pindah esok kalau kamu nak. Kamu nak cikgu pindah? (psycho je ni, praktikum cuma akan habis dua bulan lagi)
Other kids : NAK!
Cikgu : KAMU NAK CIKGU PINDAH??!? (Seriously budak budak ni...?? Memang jujur sangat dah ni tsk tsk)
Other kids : EH takkk cikgu. Takkkkk HEHEHE
Cikgu : !@#$%@^%!#%^!
Situasi 3
Cikgu tengah marah sebab dah frustrated habis dah dengan kelas bising, suara cikgu tenggelam terus. So, cikgu try untuk chill dan biar diorang sengap dulu.
Cikgu : Dah? Semua dah behave dah? Jadi good boy dengan good girl?
Kids : Dah miss.
Cikgu : Cikgu taknak la marah kamu, sebab bila cikgu marah, macam singa. Kamu tahu singa marah macamana..?
Kids : *GELAK SEGHUPA DUNIA INI MEREKA YANG PUNYA, CIKGU NAK MARAH PUN TAK SAMPAI HATI HISH*
Cena la cikgu tak sayang kat hangpaaaa oiii, time cikgu takdak mood, hangpa bagi cikgu senyum. Time cikgu down sorang sorang, hangpa bagi cikgu gelak kukekuke. Hmphhh, 4 weeks to go, cikgu shall embrace every moments with you!
p/s : Well, that's just a few bits of it. Will share more next time, stay tuned :p
We were once kid, tapi these kids... are really getting on my nerves! Haha
Tak boleh nak expect apa yang diorang fikir, apa yang diorang nak tanya, apa respons diorang when we ask questions, and stuffs like that.
Just wanna share few situations when dealing with thoseee monk-kids, EKHEM haha
Situasi pertama :
Cikgu tengah berleter depan kelas sebab kelas sangat bising (classroom management cikgu memang dah kelaut and this was the last resort haha), well trying to psycho these kids dengan luahan hati seorang cikgu.
Cikgu : Kamu nak belajar ke tak ni? Kenapa kamu buat cikgu macam ni? Cikgu dah la tak sihat, sakit tekak lagi. *open her drinking bottle and drink* (Sambung berleterrrrzzzz, bla bla and more blas)
Kid A : Cikgu! *angkat tangan*
Cikgu : Haaa, dah kenapa angkat tangan? Cikgu tengah marah ni, nak tanya apa lagi? (with serious look)
Kid A : Oh tak, cikgu lupa tutup botol air, nanti lalat masuk.
Cikgu : *garu kepala* (taktau patut gelak guling guling atau sambung ceramah psiko, sebab rasa macam cikgu yang ter-psiko zzz)
Situasi kedua :
Cikgu tengah marah lagi kat depan, this time sebab Kid B misbehave dalam kelas. He was doing something else, sepatutnya dia pay attention and do MY work.
Cikgu : Kamu tak sayang cikgu keee? Kenapa kamu taknak buat keja cikgu? Kalau kamu sayang cikgu, kamu tak buat ceni. Kamu nak cikgu pindah ke? Boleh, cikgu pindah esok kalau kamu nak. Kamu nak cikgu pindah? (psycho je ni, praktikum cuma akan habis dua bulan lagi)
Other kids : NAK!
Cikgu : KAMU NAK CIKGU PINDAH??!? (Seriously budak budak ni...?? Memang jujur sangat dah ni tsk tsk)
Other kids : EH takkk cikgu. Takkkkk HEHEHE
Cikgu : !@#$%@^%!#%^!
Situasi 3
Cikgu tengah marah sebab dah frustrated habis dah dengan kelas bising, suara cikgu tenggelam terus. So, cikgu try untuk chill dan biar diorang sengap dulu.
Cikgu : Dah? Semua dah behave dah? Jadi good boy dengan good girl?
Kids : Dah miss.
Cikgu : Cikgu taknak la marah kamu, sebab bila cikgu marah, macam singa. Kamu tahu singa marah macamana..?
Kids : *GELAK SEGHUPA DUNIA INI MEREKA YANG PUNYA, CIKGU NAK MARAH PUN TAK SAMPAI HATI HISH*
Cena la cikgu tak sayang kat hangpaaaa oiii, time cikgu takdak mood, hangpa bagi cikgu senyum. Time cikgu down sorang sorang, hangpa bagi cikgu gelak kukekuke. Hmphhh, 4 weeks to go, cikgu shall embrace every moments with you!
p/s : Well, that's just a few bits of it. Will share more next time, stay tuned :p
Friday, September 13, 2013
Can't wait.
Hard to believe i'm saying this, but.. yeah. I can't wait to reach the finishing line.
I don't want to say much about my life at the moment, well you can't really feel the exact thing I've gone through all this while.
Everything is so complicated that I myself don't really know what to think anymore, but to leave it to Allah.
Sometimes, rasa nak give up trying is just there.
But to think it in a way that yes, I can't really change the situations, the conditions or whatever problems I have, I realize that "Hey, the way you see it, that matters, you know."
Too much to complain, but have you ever thought about being thankful for all the things you have taken for granted? At least, you've got something to be thankful for.
Count your blessings, qistina, not your problems.
I don't want to say much about my life at the moment, well you can't really feel the exact thing I've gone through all this while.
Everything is so complicated that I myself don't really know what to think anymore, but to leave it to Allah.
Sometimes, rasa nak give up trying is just there.
But to think it in a way that yes, I can't really change the situations, the conditions or whatever problems I have, I realize that "Hey, the way you see it, that matters, you know."
Too much to complain, but have you ever thought about being thankful for all the things you have taken for granted? At least, you've got something to be thankful for.
Count your blessings, qistina, not your problems.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
not in her best shape
these few days were really not my days.
it is quite frustrating to see how i'm trying hard to fit in, and things just don't go the way it should be.
expectations really kill, yes?
home could be the best place for me now. 5 minggu lagi, teacher. semangat sikit, please.
it is quite frustrating to see how i'm trying hard to fit in, and things just don't go the way it should be.
expectations really kill, yes?
home could be the best place for me now. 5 minggu lagi, teacher. semangat sikit, please.
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